


You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

by peachpie



Category: All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Psychiatric Hospital, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, addictive disorder, and more stuff I guess, auto cannibalism, everyone's mentally unstable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7908055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachpie/pseuds/peachpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wanted to tell you that english is not my native language ! :)<br/>You may found mistakes, and you're welcome to let me know in the comments if I made big ones.<br/>I'm sorry if it disturbs the understanding of the story, but I really try to do my best ...</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy this story :)</p></blockquote>





	1. CHAPTER ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to tell you that english is not my native language ! :)  
> You may found mistakes, and you're welcome to let me know in the comments if I made big ones.  
> I'm sorry if it disturbs the understanding of the story, but I really try to do my best ...
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this story :)

“Morning Tyler. I've got bad news today, unfortunately.” His voice was monotone. It's been a while now that Tyler was seeing this psychiatrist. Probably about a year. “I spoke with your parents recently and-” he sighed, looking at him right in the eyes. “And we noticed that you had a lot of issues. Mental issues. I know we've been seeing each other for a long time now, but... I have to admit that we haven't really identified the source of your problems.” He scratched the back of his ear before continuing. “Your parents and I decided that it would be better for your mental health to be interned in a psychiatric institution”

“What? My parents agreed with letting me go in an asylum ?!” Tears started to fill his eyes. It couldn't be real...

“It's not an asylum.Those structures are for teenagers like you, that have problems which cannot really be identified. Everything is gonna be okay, I _promise_ Tyler.” 

He shook his head. “NO !” He stood up and clenched his fists. “NO, I REFUSE TO GO THERE!” He started to cry and sat down again, burying his face in his hands.

_Calm down Tyler, or he'll give you drugs like last time !_

He was 18 years old. He couldn't imagine for a second that he is going to be in an asylum. It couldn't be real. No.

“I'm sorry Tyler but that's a considered judgment. There's no way for you to be sane again if you don't go. I'm sorry.”

“No you're not. You just don't understand that I don't have any problem! I AM PERFECTLY FINE! I wonder how many people like me you send up there! It's _unfair_ !”

“Tyler...” He sighed. “We both know that you have a problem. I just cannot figure it out clearly. There is an amount of qualified psychiatrist at this place that may help you better than I do. You have to understand, that it is for your own dear sake. We just can't reconsider it right now. It's too late.”

“I don't want to go...please...” He whispered those words, face wet with tears, and eyes begging. 

“It's not how you believe it is. There is no torture, it's not a jail or whatever. It is made to help people going through the hard times of life. Not to traumatize them.”

“I know you _lie_...this place is hell, I'm sure !”

“For Pete's sake, Tyler, I told you it was the best treatment for you! They aren't gonna hurt you _at all_ !”

Tyler sighed. He knew what it meant. He was trying to reassure him. But he knew that those 'psychiatric institutions' aren't a place where he could be safe at all. 

“Where is that asylum...” Tyler hoped so much that it would be near his house for some reason. At least in Ohio.

“It's in California.”

Tyler laughed nervously “That's a joke, right? It's in Ohio, isn't it ?”

The doctor shook his head. “No, Tyler. It is really in California. No jokes here.”

The little bit of hope that stayed in Tyler's chest has just escaped. He was going to be sent far away from his family. Tears filled Tyler's eyes once again as he realized that it was because of his family that he had to go. At least, he had no friends.

“Please tell me that there's an another solution! That there's one of these institutions in Ohio in which I could go! But don't send me to California...” he sobbed.

The doctor gave him a sympathetic look. “I'm sorry, Tyler. The institutions in Ohio are not qualified enough for your type of issue. You _have_ to go to California.”

Tyler bursted into tears.

_________________________________________________________

The doctor told Tyler that he had a week to prepare himself and what he needed as well. He had spent this week locked away in his room, avoiding his parents and packing his stuff. He talked briefly with his siblings sometimes. But not that much. But most of the time, he was crying in the corner of his room, thinking about how hard it was going to be for him to live with complete strangers. He used to be very uncomfortable with people he didn't know. He doesn't like talking that much and that's probably why he doesn't have any friends. As Tyler was a child, he used to have friends. But of course, his father had a job opportunity in some other state and he had to go away. After that (but not because of that) Tyler was homeschooled, and that's when he started to be scared of strangers and people in general. He wasn't able to replace his old friends. He thought that the only person he could trust was himself. And that's why (he assumed) he was now sent to an asylum. The doctors thought that he was schizophrenic and depressed, but like the doctor said 'they are not sure'.

The following morning, Tyler's mother came in his room -that was unlocked for once and woke her son up without saying anything. Tyler got ready and didn't want to eat breakfast. He could see the worried look in his parent's eyes. He barely ate that week and it's been a long time since Tyler parents had heard their son's voice.  
But now it was time to go. They drove silently to the airport and took a plane to California together. It was a 5hour flight.  
They arrived there after a taxi cab drove them to the center. Tyler looked at the building for a little while, thinking about the fact that he will have to live here for probably a long time. He didn't even know how long. His mother put her hand on his shoulder but he pulled out. She muttered a 'sorry'. Tyler never liked to be touched but at this moment, he hated his parents for sending him here, so any contact with them was like an electric shock.  
They went inside and all that Tyler could hear was the noise that was coming out of a room to the right. This place was creepy. It looked like an old mansion, everything was gray and dark. Tyler rubbed his neck, feeling trapped.

_Damn! Where are we ?! Get out of here ! Quick !_

Tyler shrugged. “We're trapped. There's no way out.” He tried to speak low since he didn't want his parents to hear him talk. 

A man in a white lab coat came to meet them. He assumed it was a doctor.

“Hello and welcome to the Peace River Psychiatric Hospital Center,” He looked at Tyler, a wide smile on his face. “You might be...” He looked down at the clipboard he had in his hand. “Tyler Joseph ?” 

Tyler nodded. 

“Well nice to meet you. I'm the doctor Aaron Hanson and I will take care of you during your stay here. You can call me Aaron though.” he extended his hand in Tyler's direction, that dumb smile still on his face.

Tyler looked at his hand, not wanting to touch him.

“Tyler, baby, don't be rude!” His mother pushed him gently in the back for him to take the doctor Hanson's hand.

Tyler held it quickly to escape his mom's touch and shook it before taking two steps back. The doctor smiled at Tyler's parents. “Would you follow me to the boy's room ?” he offered, starting to climb up the stairs, and they followed him. They arrived in a long corridor at the 3rd floor. In the middle of it, was his room. The corridor was different from the hallway. The hallway looked old and creepy and the corridor was like the corridor from a hospital. He opens the door to show a room with 2 beds. They went inside. “The number of you room is 326, so remember it, Tyler. You're gonna share your room with one of the patients here. He's been here for almost two years. He's got almost the same health issues as you. He's not here now, he must be in the common area with the others.” he stopped for a second and then opens a door on the right side of the room. “Here's the bathroom. There's a sink, a toilet and of course a shower. Do you have any questions about the room ?”

Tyler parents asked a few questions but Tyler didn't listen to them and looked at the room. He has to share it and that was a big problem, because Tyler had nightmares, and he doesn't want to wake his roommate up at night, screaming. He also hoped that his roommate will be nice. He walked towards the window to look outside. He could see a park. With a big fence around it.

_Dude this place is hell! Take us out of here for fuck's sake!_

They went back downstairs, and Hanson explained a few things. “On the right is the common area. That is where the most of our patients are spending their day. I can't show you that room though. There are games, books, and some stuff to stay occupied during the day. The kitchen is on the left. Normally, you wouldn't have to go there. The dining room is on the 1st floor, and every medical facility is on the 2nd floor. The rooms are also on the 3rd and the 4th floor. Any questions ?” 

His parents are once again asking questions. Tyler took a closer look at the doctor. His smile still stuck on his face. He knew that this man could be nice. But he doubted that this was his real face. He could be very, _very_ bad. He swallowed his saliva, knowing that he could probably never escape. He was freaking out.

After a long conversation in the hall, Tyler parents decided that it was time to go. His mother hugged her son tightly, kissing his forehead and his cheeks many times. He could see some tears in her eyes and he knew that he would probably never see them again. His father just patted his shoulder gently, a sympathetic smile on his face. As soon as the main door was closed, Hanson locked it, his smile blending away. “Now, you can go to your room and unpack your stuff. You'll find a phone in your room, it's directly on the left when you enter, it's on the wall. You'll find my number on it, so call me when you need help. Meet me in 30 minutes down here, I'll take you to the director. He'll ask you some questions.” Tyler nodded his head and climbed up the stairs to his room. There were two closets. One with his name on it and the other one with the name of his roommate: Gerard. He wondered what he looked like. 

As Tyler finished to unpack his stuff, he went downstairs and waited about 10 minutes for Aaron to come. They went to the 5th floor which seems to be the last one. “Here are the rooms of the employees and the doctors. The director's office is up here,” He pointed his finger to the double door at the very end of the corridor. They stopped a few inches away from the double door. “Just one thing you have to do when you're with him,” he was now whispering. “don't ever frustrate him, or you're not gonna have a good time here, understood? If you are honest and if you act normal, he will seem kind” Tyler nodded once again, and Hanson knocked on the door. A 'come in' coming from the inside of the room. Aaron patted his shoulder. “Good luck, Joseph.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where this is going for now, so if you have any suggestions :)
> 
> I hope it's not that bad... I don't really know where this idea is coming from but anyway
> 
> ps: I tried to find as much informations as I could about psychiatric hospitals, but it was not satisfying to me, so I'm just gonna do it as I feel it, even if it wouldn't be like that in a real psychiatric hospital


	2. CHAPTER TWO

Tyler opened the door, and a man who was looking through the big window turned away to face him. “Take a seat please.” They both sat down, looking at each other. “So, I introduce myself. I am Aubrey Palmer, director of the Peace River Psychiatric Hospital Center. You are Tyler Robert Joseph, right ?”

“Right.”

“So. I have a few questions for you, and you have to answer honestly. Okay?” Tyler nodded. “So, first of all, do you know why you're here?”

_HELL NO ! But let me get out_

Tyler shrugged. “Yes and no. I'm here because my psychiatrist told me that I needed to, that it was better for my health, but I honestly don't understand.”

The man nodded “Hm. Okay...” he paused, reading something, and looked up at Tyler again. “Are you aware that you have issues? Health issues ?”

_Fuck Tyler! Tell them we're fine !_

“Yes, I guess. That's what people tell me but I feel okay.”

_Bullshit..._

“Do you know why they think you're sick ?”

_'Cause they're stupid ! Damn it we're fine !_

Tyler nodded. “Once, my mother saw me talking with...well, he says his name is Blurryface. We were talking together and my mom came. She thought I was talking to myself, so she took me to a psychologist. Probably because she thought that I was talking with an imaginary friend or whatever”

“Could you tell me more about Blurryface ?”

_Tell him how cool I am_

“Not really, I've never seen him actually. He talks to me though, I hear his voice in my head, but he's nice, he's... not dangerous...” Tyler hesitated before saying those words. But he didn't want to talk about how evil Blurry was.

_Not dangerous ? Let me laugh, please._

“That's not exactly what you psychiatrist told us... in your medical file, it's written that this 'Blurryface' once told you to harm yourself, and you did it. Is it true ?”

_Yes sir ! It is completely true. Was funny though..._

Tyler opens his mouth to talk but shut it the second after, not knowing what to say. Blurry made him confused. “Er...yes...it is...” Tyler was now avoiding the director's eyes. “But not just once...a lot actually...” Tyler looked up suddenly “But I'm fine !”

The man looked confused and surprised at the same time. “Interesting...” He wrote something down and looked back at Tyler. “What else is he doing to you?”

Tyler looked scared. “I-it's...” He sighed. “A lot. He controls my life. My social life most of all. But also my emotions. When he feels something, I feel it too, but stronger. He tells me what to say sometimes...”

“Is he controlling what you say right now?”

“No. Not right now. He doesn't do it really often, for the talking. But he speaks to me right now.”

“What is he saying?”

“He answers your questions.”

“We'll talk about that later.You said he controlled your social life? How ?”

“It started because I was home schooled. I was at home and had no friends. He told me every day, that people were dangerous. Every time I went downtown or simply helping my mother at the supermarket, he told me to be scared of the people I was seeing. At the beginning, it was okay. But with time I started to do panic attacks. Sometimes I just screamed very loud until someone took me out.” He shrugs. “I'm kinda used to it now I guess”

_________________________________________________

After the conversation with the director, Tyler found Aaron waiting for him in his room. He was sitting in a chair in front of the window but looked at Tyler as he entered the room. He stood up. “So, now that you've talked with the director, I guess you can join the others in the common area. I'll come to find you later for the medical check, you know, to find which medicament you need and stuff.” The doctor smiled at him briefly and got out of the room.

_Don't go to that common area, people will hurt you, they're all crazy here! Find a way out!_

“You know as good as me that I can't get out of here Blurry...my only way out is to talk with the others to find a way to escape! They know that place better than we do, they could help us out, think about it.”

_Are you crazy ?! We can't take the risk to talk to someone!_

“I'll take that risk if it is necessary”

_If you don't find the exit thanks to them, you'll have to bleed, Tyler._

“Fine...” Tyler sighed, getting out of his room. “But...shouldn't we just try to be normal with the others for once?” He stopped walking. “Shouldn't we just try those medicaments and let them see by themselves that we're sane, we'll get out easier...”

_Pussy_

“Let us just try! _Please_ !” he begged. He didn't want to make friend with someone just to escape. He desperately needed a social life.

_Try if you want, but you'll fail, pussy._

Tyler went down the stairs and opened the common area's door. There were about 40 people. Everything around him became blurry and he felt suddenly dizzy. Was that too much people? He noticed an empty sofa on the right corner of the room. He decided to sit down until Aaron came. He was looking at the floor, focusing on it, to avoid the noise around him. He jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, is everything okay?”

Tyler shrugged the hand off of his shoulder before looking up at a dark-brown haired boy, with wide dark eyes. “I'm fine.” He snapped. But he suddenly realized that he needed that social life.

_Don't talk to him or it'll end up badly !_

“I'm sorry if I bothered you, man...” The guy started to turn around

“No it's me, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that way...” He stood up, the guy turned back around to face him once again. “Hi, I'm Tyler”

“Oh! You're new, right?” he smiled “I'm Brendon. We are a small group of friends actually” he said, pointing his finger to a group of people in the background. “Want me to introduce you ?”

_NO NO NO NO! DON'T DO THAT !_

“Sure” Tyler tried to smile at him but it has been too long since he last smiled, so it looked weird. He stood up to follow Brendon.

_What the fuck Tyler ! Is that serious ?!_

As they reached the couch where the others were sitting, they all looked up at him, curiously. Tyler was unable to say anything. Even a 'hi' couldn't get out of his mouth. He was petrified to see so many people looking at him at the same time, he thought he was about to pass out. 

“So guys, this is Tyler. I let you guys introduce yourselves” Brendon looked at Tyler too.

A guy that seemed smaller than him stood up. He had blond hair and quite a few tattoos. “Hi, I'm Pete”  
Tyler nodded his head and tried to smile again, futile attempt. A second guy, smaller than Pete stood up too, he had big eyes and also kinda blond hair “I'm Patrick, nice to meet you” he said, a huge smile on his face.  
A boy with long mid red hair waved his hand quickly, not standing up. “Gerard,” he said. He was probably the guy that shared his room.  
A guy with blond hair (again) smiled weirdly at him “I'm Mickey, Gerard's brother”. Patrick and Pete sat back on the couch and so did Brendon, leaving Tyler standing alone in front of the group.  
He noticed a guy with pink hair sitting with them. The first thing he thought about was the fact that he's really gorgeous. His thoughts were cut off by the voice of the guy that was sitting next to Brendon.  
“I'm Dallon” he smiled at him, but all what Tyler saw were the bags under his eyes. They were deep and dark, as if Dallon never slept once in his whole lifetime.  
A very short guy with black hair and a lot of tatoos looked at him with a small smile on his face “Hi, I'm Frank. Sit down, don't stand there alone” He moved a little to let enough place for Tyler to sit. He muttered a small 'Thank you' to Frank. The pink-haired guy was now staring at him. He was the last that had to introduce himself. 

Tyler was disapointed as he saw the doctor Aaron enter the room, his eyes searching Tyler. As they made eye contact, Tyler stood up, leaving his 'new friends' behind him. Are they really gonna become his friends ? Tyler doubted, but he liked to think he had friends. It was pleasant. Aaron took him up the stairs to the 2nd floor and let him alone in a room that looked like an hospital room, waiting. 

After 10 minutes of waiting, a man, that Tyler had never seen before, came in, he could read his name on his badge : Dr.Loyd. The man was looking for something in a drawer, and took a needle out of it. Tyler was now scared. He sticked it in his arm and took blood out of his veins. After that and without saying anything, he examined Tyler's eyes, throat, ears and with a stethoscope, checked his heart beat. After a few other checks, he looked at Tyler right in the eyes. “You'll need to take some of these,” he handed him 3 bottles of pills. “Dr. Hanson will explain you when you'll have to take them, and you'll have to come here twice a month for some injections.” 

Tyler looked surprised to hear the man's voice, but took the bottles of pills the man gave him and stood up. “Er...may I know what those pills are made for...?”

“That's not my problem, Joseph. Ask Hanson but I doubt he'll answer you. We are not allowed to tell you what the pills you take are for.”

Tyler nodded, confused. He had to take pills everyday, even if he didn't knew what they were made for? 

“Take those too, they are sleeping pills. We give them to every patient here, just in case. Now get out”

Tyler took the sleeping pills and got out of the room. He went straight to his room, where he found Aaron. He looked at Tyler as he entered the room. “So? What did they gave you ?”

Tyler showed him the 3 bottles of pills. “And I have injections twice a month too.”

“That's not that much...” he muttered. “Anyway, you have to take those 3 times a day. During breakfast, lunch and dinner.” He showed him two of the bottles and put them then down on the beside table. “Those ones are only for the night, take them right before you go to bed. Just before. You take them, and you lay down.” He put the bottle with the two others.

“May I know what those pills are made for ?”

He hesitated, but gave him an answer. “Mostly anxiety but also a lot of other things that we can't tell. Dunno why though.” He shruged “you already have to take them today at dinner. Don't forget” He walked towards the door. “You'll have to do a medical check like this one every 2 month, to change the pills you take or whatever. If you need me, call me.” And he went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it even if I know that my story's a bit strange but yeah
> 
> I will also try to upload everyday :)


	3. CHAPTER THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is self-harm in this one (kinda)  
> sorry

Tyler was now alone with Blurry. He knew that he was mad at him. A lot. 

_So, you know that disobeying me is a very bad idea..._

Without saying anything, Tyler walked inside the bathroom. “There's nothing here...”

_I don't care ! Find something for fuck's sake!_

“I can't ! there's nothing here!” Tyler looked around, everything here was made for those things not to happen. Tyler walked to the door and went in the corridor, going down the stairs.

_Could you tell me what the fuck you're doing Tyler ?!_

“I go with my friends...maybe they could help me find something that actually cuts” He heard Blurry starting to laugh so loud in his head that he now felt dizzy. 

_You have no friends, Tyler. You're worthless. No one likes you and you know it. Even your parents hated you, look where they left you! That's not what I call love !_

“SHUT UP” tears were now filling his eyes and his breathing became heavy “Please, shut up...” He was now crying in the stairs, sitting on them, his arms around his legs. “They love me,” he whispered “they do love me...they...they do...” 

_No they don't! They never cared for you! Once again, look where they left you! Damn, Tyler! Can't you just see the reality for once ?!_

Tyler started to pull his hair so strongly that a tuft of hair stayed in his hand. He was now scratching the scars on his arm, hoping that they'll open again. He was still crying very hard. Blurry was laughing so hard in his head. Blood was now running down his arm, Blurry laughing harder. He kept on scratching his skin and started to yell very loud to cover Blurry's laugh. The last thing Tyler saw was a lot of people surrounding him, before passing out.

____________________________________________

Tyler woke up with a horrible headache bouncing in his skull.Breathing was difficult and his vision was blurry. He tried to sit up, but he felt his wrist stuck. He looked down at his arm to see a leather clamp around his wrist, and as he tried to move his legs he noticed that his ankles were tied too. His arm was hurting him so bad, even though there was a bandage around it.“Please no...” he whispered, his strength gone. His throat what also hurting. What happened? 

A few minutes later, somebody entered the room. It was a doctor. “So, Joseph, how do you feel?”

“It...hurts...” was all Tyler could say out loud

“I assume, yeah...” he looked annoyed. “Do you remember what happened?” Tyler shook his head. “You were screaming in the staircase, scratching your arm. You yelled stuff like 'leave me alone' or 'go away', but nobody was even touching you. What's wrong with you Joseph !”

“B-Blurry...”

“Blurry...? What is that, 'blurry'? Is your vision blurry?” Tyler would have laughed at the stupidity of the man but since every single part of his body was in pain, he preferred not to. 

“No...Blu-Blurry is... some...somebody” He felt so weak that he just wanted a bed to sleep in. 

“We'll talk about that later, Joseph. We'll inject you some painkiller and you'll take some sleeping pills before we take you back in your room.”

As Tyler got the painkiller injected and swallowed the pills, they took him to his bed. Gerard was here. He said nothing until the men were all gone. He looked worried.”Are you okay ?”

Tyler looked at him, his eyes not even understanding what he was seeing. He wanted to throw up but he couldn't. His eyelids were heavy. He heard Gerard telling him something but he couldn't hear anything, nor see him. He took a deep breath, even though it was hard for him, and he passed out/fell asleep. 

______________________________________________

Tyler woke up suddenly, screaming. He had a nightmare. As he realized that he was not home, he put a hand in front of his mouth, not wanting to wake Gerard up. He looked in Gerard's direction and saw him sat down slowly in his bed, looking at him with a sleepy face.

“What the fuck dude!” He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Are you alright ?”

Tyler's entire body was shaking. He looked at Gerard, terrified, he removed his hand from his mouth and shook his head. He heard Gerard muttering a 'fuck' as he stood up to sit at the end of his bed, facing him.

“Tell me what's wrong now, Tyler.” He was looking at him, and let a hand on his to stop it from shaking. Tyler's eyes were wide open, but he didn't move away from his touch. “Hey dude calm down, it's okay, I'm here now, I'll help you, I'm your friend, okay? Calm down, there's no need to be scared right now.”

Tyler eyes filled with tears “You...you're my-my friend...?” 

Gerard gave Tyler a weird look. “Well, yeah, I think I'm your friend, is it a problem? I-I just wanted to help you-” Tyler was now hugging his roommate. He was his first friend. Surprisingly, Blurry didn't say anything.

“Thank you...thank you so much” he repeated into Gerard's shoulder. After a few seconds, he pulled away.  
“Now can you tell me what's wrong ?” He was looking right into Tyler's eyes.

“I had a nightmare...a horrible one...”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Tyler looked surprised “You really want to help me? It is the first time that someone offers me help... No one ever cared about my nightmares...”

“Well I care. So if you want to tell me what that nightmare was about, I'm here for you.”

“I...I was home, in-in my room and...my parents were arguing about me...saying I was a waste of time, that I was worthless and stuff...” He paused, holding back a sob. “After that, my mom came inside of my bedroom hiding something behind her back, telling me that it was the best decision she ever made in her whole life. And then, with that evil look in her eyes, she showed me the knife in her hand and she stabbed me 'til I die...” He burst into tears. “She hates me...she hates me so much...” He put his knees against his chest, sobbing.

“Wow, dude...” He put his hand on his shoulder. “Stop saying that she hates you, 'kay? It's not true. It was unreal, what you saw. She didn't stab you. She loves you and she cares for you and-”

“So why am I here?” Gerard looked surprised by his question. “If she loved me, she wouldn't have brought me here...never...”

Gerard stayed silent for a while, thinking. “When I feel as bad as you are right now, you know what I do? I write. I take a notebook and I write down all my emotions, my fears, my ideas, everything. It helps me a lot. You should try. Really.”

Tyler looked at Gerard while wiping away the tears on his cheeks. “I don't have a notebook...” 

Gerard smiled at him. “I have a ton of notebooks. I'll give you one tomorrow okay ?” Tyler was impressed by Gerard's kindness. He was also happy to know that he had a friend he may trust.

“Thank you, Gerard, thanks a lot...” 

He chuckled “You're welcome buddy. You can call me 'Gee' by the way. Now goodnight, Tyler. If you need me, wake me up. It's okay.” He smiles at him and patted his shoulder before going back to bed. 

For the first time in a while, Tyler fell asleep, smiling.

___________________________________________________

The next morning, Tyler and Gerard woke up at the sound of the common alarm. Tyler was scared since it was his first day here and nobody told him how he is supposed to get ready and stuff. But fortunately, Gerard told him he'll show him how things are working here.  
After they both got ready, Tyler followed Gerard to the 1st floor, where the dining room was. As they entered the room, two men in a white lab coat were standing. Before they reached them, Gerard told Tyler that they're here to make sure you take your meds. After that, Gerard walked toward the table where the others were eating. There was Frank, Dallon, Brendon and a guy Tyler hadn't met yet. He had brown hair and looked very nice. Gerard sat down next to Frank and Tyler sat in front of Gerard, next to the brown-headed guy.  
“Are you guys sharing a room ?” Brendon leaned forward to look at Tyler and Gerard.

“Yes we are” Gerard smiled briefly.

“I share mine with Frank. Dallon and Alex are also sharing a room.” Brendon paused to eat something and looked back at Tyler “I almost forgot! You two haven't met yet! Tyler this is Alex, Alex this is Tyler.” 

Alex was the brown-headed guy. “Nice to meet you man,” he smiled at him, “Dallon told me there was a new guy yesterday.” Tyler smiled back.

“Nice to meet you too...” 

After a few talks, Mikey entered the room with a guy that Tyler also didn't know. He wasn't very tall but had a lot of tattoos. Mikey sat next to Tyler, in front of the tattooed guy and they both said 'hi'.

“I don't think I've ever seen you,” the tattooed guy said, with a quite surprisingly high-pitched voice (not that he sounded like a girl or anything but when you see him, that's not how you imagine his voice's gonna sound) “I'm Andy” he smiled.

“Tyler” he smiled back. As he met those guys, Tyler would have liked to know the reason why they were here, what their problem and their story was. But he didn't know how to ask that politely. 

A few moments later, Pete, Patrick, the pink-haired guy and a guy with a red strand of hair entered the dining room and sat at the table. There was a lot of people. Maybe too much for Tyler, but he was doing his best to stay calm. _They are my friends, they are my friends_ was the sentence Tyler repeated in his head. The guy with the red strand introduces himself as Jack and Brendon told him that the pink haired man was Josh, but he also told him that he never talked to them, that he usually stay with them and watch.

Suddenly, Brendon broke Tyler thoughts “Hey Ty, why are you even here? What's your story ?”

Tyler answered with silence. His story? Gerard put a hand on his forearm. “If you don't wanna talk about it right now, it's okay dude”

“No it's alright...” Tyler had to tell them why he was here.

_When they're gonna know that I exist and what I do, do you think they're still going to be your friends?_

_Shut up Blurry. I want them to know who I am. If they're real friends, they'll accept me._

_That's so sweet, Tyler. But you know as good as me that they'll reject you._

Everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to talk.

“Well...” he rubbed his neck nervously, thinking about what Blurry just told him. “As I was 11, my mom caught me talking alone in my room. Well...she thought I was alone but I was not. There's this guy in my head, who says his name is 'Blurryface'. So I talked about him with my mom but she kept telling me that I had a problem so she sent me to a psychologist. But this psychologist never found a solution neither a medicament to solve my problem so he sent me to a psychiatrist. He couldn't help me neither so he sent me here.”

“Is 'Blurryface' dangerous, or is he just talking to you ?” Pete asked.

“Well...he...tells me a lot of things to make me feel...bad. I was home schooled because of him since he told me the only people I was allowed to talk to was my family. He told me that the other people were just judging and hurting me, that they were scary and dangerous. I developed a social phobia. But at the same time, my mother was telling me that I was stupid because I stayed at home all day long, not talking to any kid of my age. And she argued a lot with my father about me, and my siblings made fun of me. But beside this, Blurry is telling me over and over again how worthless I am and that I should just kill myself. But I always resisted and never attempted to suicide. But sometimes, when I do something that he doesn't like, he tells me to self-harm or at least to bleed. He insists so much that it becomes a torture, so I do it and he shuts up. If there's nothing around me to hurt myself, I often do a panic attack before passing out because of a horrible headache his laugh makes in my brain. I never really understood how to take control over him. But I doubt this place would help me in any way...” 

“Dude...that's horrible...!” A worried look was stuck on Patrick's face. Everyone agreed with him. Tyler looked at Josh, he looked really sad. He made a small smile full of empathy at Tyler, who replied with a small smile as well. 

After the breakfast, they all went back to their respective room. They were not allowed to go to the common area in the morning because someone was cleaning it up.

Tyler looked up at his roommate. “Gee, do you mind telling me how you got here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have already written a few chapters on my computer for now, so I'm probably gonna post two of them today 
> 
> I hope you still enjoy this weird mess


	4. CHAPTER FOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Gerard and Mikey 's story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is really really short, I apologize
> 
> I want to make the story of each character in a special chapter like this one. That kind of chapter is probably always gonna be that short 
> 
> I warn you: there are self-harm, suicide attempt mention and other stuff that may bother some of you in this chapter !!

Since his little brother was born, Gerard was really happy. He liked to play a lot with him. And as they grew older, he used to take care a lot of his brother.  
But at the age of 6 (Gerard was also 9), Mikey was diagnosed schizophrenic. Indeed, he became paranoid, acted confusingly, was a lot more moody but also had a lot of panic attacks. He was always alone in his room, and sometimes, late at night or even during the day, Gerard could hear his brother scream. He couldn't imagine what he was going through, but it made him really sad to know that his little brother was suffering. His parents also told Gerard to stay away from his brother and that he had to leave him alone.

When Mikey was 10, he went to an institution for children with health issues. It was to 'control' his sickness. Besides that, Gerard was constantly low to know that his brother was away from him. But the next problem in his life was school. Not that it bothered him in a normal way, no. He was bullied. Because of his physical appearance, but also because of his brother. Yeah, his brother's illness could seem 'funny' on the outside. He was sometimes talking alone, screaming for no reason, and he looked 'empty' all the time as if he was dead on the inside. Gerard never understood why the others found it funny because it was really sad, actually.  
But one day, after a very bad day of school, Gerard came home crying. He never talked about the bullying he suffered from at school. He was now 15, and his parents were not home because they used to work late. Gerard went to the bathroom and took a razor blade. The inner pain was worst than the physical pain he imposed himself. Unfortunately, he felt so good after doing that, that he did it every day after that one.

He missed his brother more than ever. It's been 2 whole years since they last saw each other. He had no news, his parents always refusing to talk to him about Mikey. Until one day, where his parents came home earlier. His mother was crying. As she made a phone call, he eavesdropped. She was telling someone that Mikey attempted to suicide. Gerard burst into tears and put his hand in front of his mouth to muffle the sobs that were coming out of his mouth. After listening to the rest of the conversation while silently crying, Gerard went into his bedroom and locked the door. That night, he couldn't sleep, constantly thinking about his brother possibly being dead. He used the razor blade once again (like almost every day), but that time he bled a lot more, but not only from his arms.

Mikey came back home two days later. He looked horribly tired, sad, but also slightly happy to see his brother again. They hugged for a few seconds. It felt good to know that he was here with him, alive. He also changed a lot. He was wearing all black clothes, he straightened his hair, wore eyeliner, but was also way skinnier.  
Gerard assumed he changed a lot too. Like his brother, he wore a lot of black.

“I'm so happy to see you, Gee” His voice was strange, like, scratchy. He looked at his brother, a small smile on his face.

“I'm happy to see you too, Mikey.” He hugged his brother once again. It's been a long time since he last was happy.

They talked a lot that night. Talked about what Mikey has done, and he explained that the 'voices' in his head were telling him to die since a whole year, but that he couldn't resist that time. Gerard was glad his brother was alive. They also talked about how horrible the place in which Mikey used to live was, and Gerard told his brother about the bullying part of his life, without telling him it was because of him, (since he didn't want to hurt his brother some more) but he told him about what he did to himself almost every day, and Mikey understood.

Mikey was sent back in that institution a month later. And Gerard life became worst than it was before seeing his brother once again. He lived with a depression for two years. But he never attempted to suicide, for his brother. He was still hoping to see him again. He was barely eating, barely sleeping, became moody, everything he used to like doing became annoying, he was constantly very sad, he felt guilty for what happened to Mikey even if he knew that he had nothing to do with it, but he also felt like he needed to throw up all day long and had a constant headache.

At the age of 17, Gerard's parents noticed the mental state of their son, and after consulting a psychiatrist, he was sent to the Peace River Psychiatric Hospital Center for major depression. As he came here, he was all alone, never talking to anyone. Until 6 months later, Mikey came in that psychiatric hospital center. But even if the two brothers were reunited again, the depression he developed became a part of him and it was now hard to ignore, even if Mikey was here with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it is a good idea to tell their story like that but I thought it was :)
> 
> I also wanted to thank the ones who left feedbacks, it is really nice of you
> 
> Hope you still enjoy it!


	5. CHAPTER FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warn you about Frank's disorder (yeah it does exist for real) it involves a LOT of pain etc so when you read his name in this chapter, prepare to read...awful things  
> I apologize :)

After Gerard told him his story, Tyler stared at him, a little shocked from what he just heard. When you see Gerard, you don't imagine just for one second, that he's suffered that much.

“I...I'm sorry Gee. About your brother's situation...” he looked down. “Is he getting a bit better with the meds or not at all ?...”

“Don't be sorry man.” He stopped, looking out the window. “And...no. He's not really getting better. The meds just calm his anxiety but for the voices, they can't do anything. I think he's stuck with his demons and that makes me sick. Really. When I look at him, I can always tell that he's not doing fine. I miss our childhood a lot actually.” He wiped a tear from his cheek quickly and turned back to face Tyler

“That sucks...this place is useless... it isn't that qualified, as my psychiatrist said...they can barely care for us”

“Yes it is fucking useless, you're right. I'll do anything for my brother to get better and live a normal life...and they aren't even able to make it a little better. They make everything worst here.” He sighed. “Well, let's go outside, what'd you think ?”

“Is there an 'outside' here...?” Tyler slowly stood up from his bed

“Follow me.” They got out in the corridor and saw Frank near the stairs. He was looking at something on his forearm with a wide smile on his face. As they got nearer to him, Gerard's eyes widen and he went to tell something to him lower, so Tyler could barely hear some curse. He looked angry at Frank who was still smiling.

“It's no big deal, Gee. I just got cut accidentally is all” He shrugged and made a gentle smile at Gerard, giggling.

“For fuck's sake, Frank ! We both know what you did...go back to your room and tell Brendon to get a doctor, I don't want you to loose too much blood like last time, 'kay ?”

Frank was still smiling at him, almost in awe. “Thank you for caring about me so much, Gee.” He put his hand on his cheek. “You're adorable” he kissed his cheek softly and went back to his room, leaving a blushing Gerard behind him, who muttered a 'fuck'. 

“Are you...are you guys dating?” The words came out of Tyler's mouth before he could swallow them. “I'm sor-”

“No, we're not. But I like him. Like, a lot. Maybe too much actually.” He blushed again, avoiding Tyler's eyes

“He likes you for sure, that smile he had stuck on his face as he was looking at you, have you seen it?”

Gerard answered with silence and looked at Brendon who was now running in the corridor.

“Hey guys!” he was trying to take his breath. “Have you- Have you seen a doctor or anyone? Frank needs...help.” he added an 'again' but lower, so the two boys can't hear it.

“Go and see at the 2nd floor, Bren, quick!”

He ran down the stairs. 

_______________________________________________

Tyler and Gerard were now sitting on a bench outside. It was the place Tyler had seen through his bedroom's window, the park with the fence around it, there is no way to escape outside either.

“Why is...Frank here, I mean, what is his 'sickness' ?” Tyler looked at Gerard who was sitting next to him.

“He suffers from auto-cannibalism. That means that he constantly cuts parts of his skin to eat them, sometimes to collect them, like for fun, but he also like to harm himself a lot and he loves deepening his scars to see blood.” He shook his head. “Since he's here, he almost died four times, because there are no meds to cure such an issue. The doctors are of course not qualified enough as well.”

“Wow, I didn't even know about this illness...”

“And this illness is fucking shit. It shouldn't even exist.” he sighed. “Damn... I'd like to protect him like I want to protect my brother... he's so important to me! And I don't even fucking know why !”

Tyler smiled. “It's because you're in love, Gee. I guess so.” He smiled at Gerard.

“Love is bullshit. It is supposed to destroy your life by being addicted to somebody. But you're right” he sighed. “ I have to admit that I don't like that very much”

“Well I've never been in love, like, never. So I can't really try to relate but I can understand that it might be hard...” Tyler shrugged and paused. “Oh ! I had a question to ask you!”

Gerard turned his head to Tyler “Yeah ?”

“Can somebody come here to visit us, or is it forbidden ?”

“Well, it depends. My mother is allowed to come here because she got a permit from the director. She just comes for Mikey because she's worried he'll attempt to suicide if he's held away from his family.”

“Even if you're here?”

“Even if I'm here. When she comes she sees the both of us though. But she doesn't like me that much. She thinks that I actually simulated a depression to be interned here, just to be with Mikey.” He shrugged “I'll never do that.”

“ Is she coming anytime soon ?”

He laughed and looked at his watch. “She's coming in 30 minutes I guess. It's funny that you talk to me about it right now” He smiled at Tyler. 

20minutes later, Gerard had to go in a private room with his brother on the 1st floor .(there are a few of them next to the dining room). Tyler sat alone in the 'park' looking at the grass and the only tree that was here. This place and especially its garden, are sad. Tyler closed his eyes, trying to find peace somewhere when he suddenly felt a hand resting on his. His eyes brutally opened and he removed his hand from where it was and stood up, before looking at the person who just sat next to him. 

_Oh gosh...what the fuck does he think he's doing_

He started to blush as he saw that it was Josh, ignoring Blurry. “S-Sorry, I... you just scared me... well no, I mean, uh... I freaked out...I...” Tyler couldn't find his words which made Josh smiling at him.Tyler blushed once again. He shrugged and Tyler took it as a 'no problem'. He sat down next to him. “Brendon...told this morning that you've never talked to them. Are you like...mute ?”

Josh shook his head, still smiling. " Sometimes it is way better to stay silent. You have like, no problems anymore because you can't tell anything. Is this why you don't talk anymore?” Josh laughed a bit without making a sound. Oh gosh is he cute... was the only thing Tyler was actually thinking about. After that, Josh shook his head again.

“I can talk actually, but it's...hard” His voice was so croaky and so low that Tyler thought he was about to cough and then choke. Tyler looked at him as if a miracle just happened. Josh laughed again, silently looking at Tyler with eyes clearly saying 'what the fuck ?'

“Oh sorry it's just...” he paused. “Why don't you talk with the others?”

He shrugged and looked at Tyler. He moved his lips without making a sound, and Tyler could read 'I don't trust them'

“But then... why...why me ?” He looked surprised by what Josh just said.

'You're special.' He looked at him right in the eyes. Tyler looked confused, but couldn't stop the red wave coming onto his face. Him ? Special ? No way...

_LET ME LAUGH TYLER THIS GUY IS SO FUNNY! You're worthless, remember? No one likes you, you can't trust him. Not just because you heard his voice, you piece of shit! Do you hear me? Tell him to fuCK OFF!_

Tyler winced because of the screaming in his head. Josh looked concerned. “Are you okay Tyler ?” His voice was back again but hard to understand. He answered with silence, Blurry still insulting him in his head, his voice becoming louder and louder. He gritted his teeth through the pain and swallowed back the urge to scream.

_Are you like, trying to resist ? No way, dude. Let go._

Tyler stood up and everything became dizzy. Again. “I-I'm sorry, I- I have to go...” He ran up the stairs really fast and went to his room where he went straight to the bathroom. 

_Are you that weak ? (he laughed) stop breathing and die, man. It's better for everyone._

Tyler's chest became heavy and he started to breathe way too fast since reaching for air became harder. His vision became blurry, he was shaking and he couldn't hear anything anymore. He even tried to scream to alert someone but the only sound that got out of his mouth was a sob.

_Pathetic, dude..._

He was now about to throw up. He tried to grab the edge of the toilet, but he fell to the floor, which made it harder to breathe. He tried once again to scream for help but he just kept on sobbing. He stayed like that for what seemed to be an eternity, when the door suddenly opened, and he felt someone grabbing him by the shoulders to sit him up against the wall. It was Gerard. Tyler saw that he was talking be he couldn't hear a thing. He got out of the bathroom, running, and came back with what seemed to be a bag. He placed it on Tyler's mouth to regulate his breathing. He started to hear things again, and Gerard was saying stuff like 'Stay calm, Ty, everything's gonna be okay', 'I'm here now, don't worry', or 'focus on breathing'. He started now to breath slower and to calm down. He was still feeling dizzy though. Gerard remove the bag from Tyler's mouth and hugged him.

“Thank you.” , was all that Tyler was able to say. Even if it was just a whisper.

Gerard was rubbing his back. “You have to rest now” He stood up and helped Tyler to do as well. He laid down on his bed and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter :)  
> I don't know if I can upload a second one today, unfortunately...  
> Plus school starts tomorrow for me so I'll have less time to write. I'll try to do my best and at least to upload a chapter every day :)  
> Hope you enjoyed it


	6. CHAPTER SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so so sorry about the waiting! I had a lot of problems with my wifi connection & with my computer. The whole story that was saved in my computer has been deleted, so I had to rewrite this chapter and I was so upset that this might actually be a useless chapter and I'm sorry (& it's short)

Tyler woke up about an hour later. He looked in Gerard's direction who was writing in a notebook. He sat up and looked at him worried because he told him that he only wrote when he's not doing fine. 

“Is everything okay ?” 

He answered with a shrug and then looked at Tyler “Not really. My mother wants Mikey to go in another hospital specialized for schizophrenic people”

“I...I'm sorry about that, I-” Tyler stopped talking because of someone screaming 'help' in the corridor. They both got out of the room to see Brendon shaking and crying. Jack and Pete also got out of their room.

“What the fuck is going on Brendon ?” Jack ran to him and held him by the shoulders to look at him. 

“It's...it's Frank, he-” Before he could finish his sentence, Gerard screamed a 'shit' and ran down the stairs to go get a doctor.

“What did he do ?” Pete came next to Tyler

“There...there was blood everywhere and...” he started crying, Jack hugged him.

“It's okay dude, don't worry, he'll be okay.”

It was hard for Tyler to understand what really happened at the beginning but he remembered his conversation with Gerard about Frank this morning and he realized that he probably attempted to suicide. Gerard came back with two doctors who carried Frank out of the room on a stretcher. Tyler noticed that Gerard was about to cry and he went back into their room. A few minutes later and after trying to calm Brendon, a doctor came to find them all and took them to the 2nd floor to 'ask them questions'

“So, what happened to Iero ?” He asked that question with a voice that clearly showed he didn't care.

They all looked at Brendon, waiting for explanations.

“I...I don't really know it went so fast... I came back into our room and he was sitting on the bed with that weird smile on his face, and he told me strange stuff and ran to the bathroom and-” tears were filling his eyes again. “and I haven't see what he was doing but there was so much blood...”

Tyler Jack and Pete were sitting in silence, listening to the story.

“Considering his disorder he probably just deepened his scars and snatched his skin don't you think ?”

“I don't know...!” Brendon said, sobbing.

____________________________________________

During the lunch, nobody talked. It was just small talks. And so went the rest of the day. Tyler barely saw Gerard who refused to talk with anybody after what happened to Frank.  
That night, the doctor Blackmon tried to call Frank's father about 30 times. No answer. As he was ready to give up, someone decided to pick up.  
“Hello?”  
“Good evening sir Iero, we wanted to w-”  
“Is it about my son ?”  
“Well yeah he attempted to s-”  
“I don't care what he did! Why are you calling me! Did he attempt to suicide? Fine, then let him die, I don't give a fuck about him, he's just a piece of shit. Stop calling me about right now, understood ?”  
He hanged up. Blackmon sighed and went back to Frank's room to keep an eye on him during the night.

______________________________________________

A week later, Frank was still in his medical bed on the 2nd floor. Gerard asked a doctor if he was allowed to see him and he had a positive answer. 

In the afternoon, he went to see Frank with Patrick and Tyler. As they entered the room, Frank was looking at one of his bandages, but he looked up and saw his friends. He started to smile, but his smile widened as he saw Gerard. Tyler and Patrick sat down but they let Gerard sit on the closest chair to the bed.

“How are you doing today?” Patrick asked Frank, who looked at him.

“I'm fine, I'm always fine. But it's better when you're here” He smiled and looked back at Gerard. Tyler was right, Frank was clearly feeling something for him.

“Gee, I'm happy that you came I wanted to talk to you about something” He made a huge smile at the boy, and then looked at Tyler and Patrick. “Guys, I'm happy to see you but, could you please get out for a second? I'll tell you when you can come back” He smiled gently at them as they both got out of the room without saying a word. He focused on Gerard again.

“What do you want to say ?”

“I've been thinking about you a lot lately and...” He was now avoiding eye contact. “Gee I think I might...” he sighed. “forget about it...”

Gerard was confused. “No tell me, it seemed important” 

Frank sat up in his bed and was now facing him, looking in his eyes. “Well, I- I love you.”

Gerard's eyes widened and his mouth opened several times but couldn't find anything to say. So he simply leaned forward and kissed him. He placed his hand on his cheek, and Frank placed his on the back of his neck. 

Outside, Patrick was talking with Tyler about the fact that Gerard and Frank both loved each other without even knowing it, and that it was always funny to watch them.

“Do you know why Frank is here? I mean, do you know his story, what happened to him?”

Patrick shrugged. “He never really talks about it, but I know he told Gerard. He had a lot of problems with his father, that's all I can tell. But you can ask Gerard he'll probably tell you what happened.”

Tyler nodded, as a doctor came in the corridor. “You shouldn't be here, get out, go back to your room or in the common area but you're not allowed to be here for no reason.”

The two boys went in Tyler's room, where surprisingly, Josh was. 

Tyler looked confused. He came closer to Josh. “Why are you here ?”

Josh looked briefly at Patrick, and then shrugged. “I wanted to see you” His voice was as always very croaky, Tyler could barely hear him.

“Wait, did he just talk ?” Patrick came closer. “It's been months that we've been in the same room and I've never heard his voice! Damn Josh, you can actually talk?”

Josh nodded and Tyler turned around to look at Patrick. “Don't tell the others, I think he'll appreciate that.”

“Oh,” Patrick looked baffled. “Of course, I'll keep it to myself, don't worry. Well, guys, I'll go back to my room I'll see you later.” He smiled at the both of them and got out of the room, closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found the original chapter better but it was impossible to rewrite it...  
> I'm sorry and I hope you still enjoy this... :)


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry once again for the waiting, I had like a ton of work to do for school every day so I had no time to write...  
> That's why I think I'll update at least one chapter every week (Saturday OR Sunday)  
> or maybe sometimes if I have time (I don't think I'll have but we never know) I'll update in the week.
> 
> That's it for now, enjoy this chapter :)
> 
> PS: Lot of suicide attempts mention & other stuff I warn you

As Patrick left the room, Josh almost immediately started to cry. 

“Hey, no no no no no! Don't cry!” He grabbed both his shoulders, and Josh looked at him right in the eyes. “What's going on?” He said very calmly, showing him that he was worried. 

“It's...it's my foster parents...” he sobbed. “They came here earlier and...they...” He couldn't finish his sentence because he burst into tears once again. 

Tyler didn't know anything about Josh, his past story, his family situation, etc. But he was not going to ask him now, it is not a good idea. 

“What did they do ?”

“They want me back home...” 

“You can't go so easily, you know, it's... no one here is sane enough to leave this place.” Even if Tyler knew perfectly that sane people were interned here, he wanted Josh to stay, even if they barely knew each other. He liked him. A lot. Maybe too much. 

“I know, but they are ready to fill the papers to make me leave even if the doctors think that it's not safe for me, they don't care! But the only thing I know is that I'm safer here than anywhere else, and I don't want to leave...” he had raised his voice a little, even if it was still very low because of the lack of speak.

“I'm sure they're not that bad, Josh. Maybe they want you back because they miss you, or because they regret sending you here?”  
Josh laughed. It was a very sad laugh though. 

“You don't understand, Tyler. You can't understand...” he buried his face in his hands. “What they did to me...” he started to cry once again.

Fuck. Tyler made a mistake. His foster family was not nice to him, and he tried to defend them.

“I... I'm sorry Josh... I didn't know...”

“It's okay. Don't worry. I'll do my best to stay here. I have to do something, I don't know what yet, but I have to.”

“May I...know what happened? or...”

He shrugged. He regretted asking this question the second the words got out of his mouth.

“Well it's a very long story because I cannot explain what they did to me, without telling you what happened before...” He sighed and wiped the tears away from his chin and cheeks. “Do you have time ?”

“Of course. But you have no obligation to tell me anything if you don't want to ”

He looked up in his eyes “I trust you, Tyler. I never told this to anyone apart from my psychiatrist. I told you, you're special.”

_______________________________________

Josh was 12, and his life was pretty normal. Apart from the fact that his siblings and he hated their father. But that was okay, he thought that it was what the adults call being a “teenager”. But one day, he came home from school and his father was mad for some reason. He was yelling at his mother and he knew that it was no good idea to stay around during such moments if he wanted to be safe. So he went in his room. He knew that something went wrong when he heard his mother screaming. His siblings immediately went down to be sure that everything was okay, but Josh stayed in his room, too scared to face what was happening. Soon, everyone was screaming downstairs but it was impossible to understand what they were saying since they were all yelling together. And suddenly, everything was silent. Josh imagined the worst. Maybe his mother killed his father, or maybe his sister did it, or even his brother. He stood up and ran downstairs, and saw his father standing in the kitchen with something in his hand, but all that Josh could see were the dead bodies on the floor. 4 dead bodies. And blood. He was so shocked he couldn't scream. His father turned around and threw the knife on the floor. He smiled at him and came closer. Too close.

“See, you're the one I hate the most. And that is exactly the reason why...” He put his hand around his throat and squeezed. Josh was ready to die. He had no reasons to live anymore. His father suddenly let go of his grip. “the reason why I'm not gonna kill you so you'll have the shitty life you deserve. You'll have this scene in your mind your whole life long and you'll never forget it. And I'll be the person you're gonna search all your life long to satisfy your desire to kill the man that took the life of the last person that you loved. And you'll never get over it. Never. And that's exactly what I want for you. I want you to be traumatized, I want you to be depressed, to attempt to suicide but you'll fail, cause you're not able to kill yourself. I love, that perspective.” He laughed and got out of the house. Josh waited for the car to leave the alley before screaming and bursting into tears. He passed out no longer after that.

Four months later, Josh was gonna have a foster family. He was not that much excited. He was actually scared. A lot. The lady of the organization that is responsible for finding families to orphan came with him to the house of his new family. As they entered the house, Josh wanted to go back outside and escape. He couldn't simply restart a family life like that. He was scared to fuck up every family. 

There was just a couple in the room, no children or anyone else. They were alone. Smiling at him.  
They introduced themselves and so did Josh and the women. It was very awkward. And after the women of the organization left, he knew that it was gonna be strange to live here. In a family that was supposed to be his.

Josh went to a new school, he met some people but nobody wanted to befriend with him. They thought he was too strange. People talked to him though. But barely. Josh started to feel sadder every day. He felt down and rejected. 

2 years later is when everything started to get worst. Josh went to the hospital because he attempted to suicide. His foster mother yelled at him afterward, not understanding how bad he felt in his life. He was 15. He thought it was the best solution. But as he went back home, 4 weeks after he once was alone at “home” with his foster father. But everything went wrong. Josh was in his room doing his homework as his foster father came and abused him. And it started to be recurrent. Josh never talked about this to anyone and was traumatized. He started a severe depression and nobody noticed. He was alone. And after a year, he attempted to suicide once again. But that time he stayed home, and his foster mother hit him. And sometimes she did it for no reason. Just like that cause she liked it. She wanted his to see a psychiatrist though. But not because of his suicide attempts, no. Because of the fact that he had no friends at school. It was not normal to her so he was seeing a psychiatrist.  
Josh started to have difficulties with talking/interacting with people. He barely talked to his psychiatrist, but he talked just enough for him to understand that he needed to be helped by real doctors. They sent him to a small hospital that was no psychiatric one, for him to rest and get better.  
But that place was hell and as he was here, he tried to kill himself with a boy that was here for depression but it was a fail. Just for him cause the boy died so he had to leave this place since the doctors thought it'd be better for him not to stay there. He went back to his family where everything was like before, so he ran away from that place. He couldn't go that far and had nowhere to sleep. As they found him back, they send him to the Peace River Psychiatric Hospital Center the following day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo... I don't really know what to think about this chapter but yeah.  
> I wanted Josh to have a "hard life" so that's it
> 
> Thanks for reading :) I hope you liked it


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the waiting guys...

“It's... I'm sorry, I... damn it's horrible !” Tears started to fill his eyes. 

“Hey, no, don't cry, it's okay ” He patted his forearm. “Plus that's not my problem right now, of course, it affects my life and my behavior a lot, but it's okay for now. I'm worried about what my foster family wants from me.”

Tyler wiped the tears away from his cheeks and focused on what Josh was saying. “So, what do you think they want?”

“They'll maybe send me to the army, I don't know. They talked about a few things but I don't care, I have to stay here. It is what matters to me at the moment. And I'll get out when I'm ready, and not when they tell me to.”

Tyler nodded. There was a knock on the door, and a doctor entered the room after Tyler told him to come in. “Joseph, you have to go to the director's office in 10 minutes. And Dun, go back to your room you have nothing to do in here.”  
Josh stood up and got out of the room after making a small smile at Tyler, the doctor going with him. Tyler stood up as well and went to the bathroom to wash his face. He went out of his room and climbed up the stairs to the 5th floor. He walked through the long corridor and arrived at the double door at the end of it, and knocked. He was kind of anxious about that meeting. 

He entered the room and sat down in front of the desk where the director was smoking a cigarette while typing something on his computer. He turned his head to look at Tyler.  
“Joseph, I was waiting for you.” He turned completely around in his seat to face him. “I wanted to talk to you about some things that happened a while ago now. But I had no time to talk to you since there are a lot of people in this hospital.” He paused and scratched his chin before letting his hand slap his desk nonchalantly. “Do you remember the panic attacks you made recently?” 

Tyler was surprised by the question. Of course, he remembered. “Yes I do”

“Well can you tell me the reason why you had them or do you have no idea ?”

Tyler tried to remember. But it took only a few seconds for him to remember that it was because of Blurry.

“The...the first one I made, in the stairs, it was because Blurry asked me to bleed, but I couldn't find anything to cut myself so he started yelling at me and...” he stopped, not really wanting to bring up that topic.

“Can you explain to me why he wanted you to bleed?”

Tyler stayed silent a few seconds. “Because I wanted to make friends...”

The director looked surprised.

_Yeah and you still have to bleed, dumbass. Don't ever think I forgot_

Tyler mentally cursed, because yeah, he thought Blurry had forgotten about that. 

“Is he always doing this?” Tyler nodded. “And the last time? The one you had before your roommate came in the room to find you almost dying on the floor?”

Tyler remembered that one very well. It was because of Josh. He wanted to lie about that one, not wanting the director to know that he was indeed, attracted to Josh. 

“Well I...I was outside and...Gerard went away to see his mother and I felt alone and Blurry was telling me horrible things, as always, but that one was really violent and I ran upstairs to hide in the bathroom before anyone could see me. I know it was not very smart of me but I hate it when people are worrying about me. It makes me sick to be the center of the attention.” He shrugged

“Okay. Well, I guess I'll keep the idea I had.”

“Which is?”

The director was surprised by Tyler's reaction.

“I want you to see a psychiatrist, so you can figure out how to deal with your anxiety.”

Tyler laughed softly “I think you don't understand... It's not anxiety I have to deal with, it's Blurry. And unfortunately, unless you're a magician, you can not make him go away.”

“At least we can try to help you taking control over him, right?”

Tyler looked at the director in the eyes. He hated psychiatrist. A lot. But he had no choice. “Okay then.”

“Yeah and before I forget, you have to go to Dr.Hanson, you'll have to take a few more meds.”

Tyler sighed and stood up, before saying goodbye to the man and getting out of the room. 

_Fuck Tyler I'm not gonna take some more meds! You're already weak enough you don't need those! Don't go see that damn doctor go back to your room and hide!_

That was not really what Tyler planned on doing but he actually felt an urge to hide and to never get out of that hiding place ever. Does he really need those pills? He thought he already had enough of them. He went downstairs to his room, wanting to hide under his bed forever but as he entered, Gerard was on his bed, writing something. 

_Hide! Go under that fucking bed ! Even if he's here what's the problem !_

Tyler wanted to burst into tears because he really wanted to hide but he also wanted to stay with his friend.

_He is NOT your friend, he'll betray you one day and you'll regret trusting him._

Gerard looked up at him, giving him an inquiring look “Are you alright?”

Tyler was not able to give him an answer and ran under his bed, obeying to Blurry's orders.  
“What the...” Gerard stood up and kneeled down to look at Tyler who was now heavily breathing and looked threatened. “Okay, I'll call Dr.Hans-”

“NO!! No please don't call him!”

“Why, what is wrong Tyler, explain!”

“He wants to give me more pills but- ...I don't want to see that psychiatrist-...I'm scared!”

“Dude, I'm sorry but you're one the verge of doing a panic attack and I'm not gonna let it happen”

“Gee please don't do that!” He stood up and reached for the phone.

_Told you he'll betray you. Listen to me before “making friends”, you're worthless. Nobody wants you to be alright so never trust anyone if you want to feel better next time._

And he started to laugh very loud, and so started a panic attack. And that's how he got out of his “hiding place” faster than he thought he would.

____________________________________________

Tyler was now laying on a bed on the 2nd floor. They gave him a ton of pills against the anxiety that he had to swallow very fast, and he was now here, looking at the ceiling, alone. Blurry talking in his head but he wasn't listening, too weak to even move his arm or look around. Suddenly, someone entered the room. 

“Tyler?” he was now shaking his arm, Tyler couldn't give an answer so he just made a noise. “Okay, you're alive.” Pete's face showed up in front of the white ceiling. “I thought you were dead” He laughed but almost immediately stopped. “Sorry... well er... I came to tell you that tomorrow, I'll try to escape with Brendon, Jack, Alex and maybe Patrick if I can convince him. Wanna come? I'm not sure that we'll succeed, though. But we can try”

Tyler's eyes lighted up, and Blurry was now fully listening to Pete, and managed to somehow give enough strength to Tyler to make him speak.

“How do you plan on doing that ?”

“Well, we noticed that the double fence outside was broken somewhere. There's a place where the fence is thinner and it looks easy to crawl through. That's where we'll try to go.”

“What will happen if they catch us?”

“Oh...I don't really know...last time somebody's been caught, we never saw him again after they took him.” he shrugged “So I don't know. Maybe they'll electrocute us like in the old movies” he laughed again but stopped suddenly “well if that's true it's really not funny-”

“Anyway if I'm doing alright tomorrow I'll come with you, okay?”

Pete made a huge smile. “Great! See you tomorrow then” He went away. 

Tyler though about the escape all night long and started to think that it might have been a dream and that Pete never came into the room to tell him that. But it somehow gave him hope. Maybe tomorrow he'll be free, but he also may die. He's ready to run the risk of dying for freedom though. But there's something he also can't stop thinking about: Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it took me longer to write this chapter than I thought it would and it's still short...  
> I have to admit that I'm kinda disappointed but anyway.  
> I'd like the other characters to be more present in the story but I have like no idea what to make them do...  
> I really need you to help me with this story because I really don't know how I should continue, the more I write the more I think that it's actually stupid to write it...  
> I have the impression that it's not going anywhere and I need you to tell me if you still enjoy it or if you want me to stop writing, I really dunno what to do rn...


	9. CHAPTER NINE

Tyler woke up and the first thing he did was looking at the clock on the sad white wall of the room he was in. 5am. Fine. He had no idea about the time he was supposed to meet the others to escape. He sat down in his bed, his whole body should be aching but he actually felt fine and no pain went through his body. He stood up and found a piece of paper on the floor. He first frowned, not really knowing what it was, but he picked it up and unfolded it. It was written : _meet us at my room (n°330) before 5:30am. -Pete_. He smiled. He was about to get out of that shitty place. He ran out of the room letting the piece of paper falling on the floor of the dark corridor and went straight to room 330. He opened the door and found his friends standing there, but there were way more people than expected to be. Like, a lot more. There were not only Jack Brendon Alex and Patrick. No. Josh was here too, as well as Gerard, Mikey, Dallon, Frank, and Andy. Tyler went to see Pete who was sitting on a bed, putting stuff into a large bag.

“Hey Pete, em, it's cool that they all wanted to come with us, you know, we were supposed to be like, four ?” Pete smiled at him.

“I know right, we'll get out of this shit way faster than we came in, trust me Tyler”

His voice sounded kinda weird but he just thought he was tired. Tyler sighed, and soon everyone was getting downstairs. Surprisingly, nobody noticed that so many people were walking down the stairs. They were so noisy that Tyler hoped they could make it to the back door of the building. 

They were now all outside and followed Pete to the fence. Why was it so easy? And why the fuck was Blurry so silent? Everything was weird. But the strangest thing is that when they all were on the other side of the fence, someone grabbed his hand tightly and intertwined his fingers with his'. He looked up at that person, it was Josh. He was so damn beautiful and it looked like the soft sunlight that was growing behind the trees was making his face much more good looking than it was. Their faces were so close to each other. Josh's hand made its way on the side of his neck, and their lips were soon touching and they were kissing. But Tyler felt like Josh was sucking the oxygen out of his lung and as he pulled away, his eyes were a deep shade of black and his smile was evil and Tyler couldn't breathe anymore and-

He sat up in the same bed he woke up in a few moments ago, panting and trying to fill his lungs with as much air as he could. Fuck. It was a dream. Or a nightmare? Whatever it was, it was not real and it sucked. Because he thought he was free. Even if Josh tried to kill him. Did he just kiss Josh in his dream? Is it necessary to talk about the fact that he actually loved it? Fuck. Tyler always thought he was straight...was he actually gay?

 _Stop thinking about your fucking sexuality for fuck's sake! There's an escape that is waiting for us!_

Tyler stood up slowly, and that time, his body was just horribly aching a lot. Walking seemed like the most difficult thing to do right now. He tried his best to ignore the pain, and looked at the floor to see if there were a note, but no. He remembered that Pete's room number in his dream was 330. He went to the room 330 and Pete was in there. With Jack. Except that they were still sleeping. Tyler looked at the clock on Pete's side table, and it was only 2 am.

_That's not a fucking problem! Wake him up! The earlier you go away the better! Now wake that mother fucker up!_

Tyler shook Pete's shoulder gently, making him grunt something in his sleep. 

“Pete, wake up, it's me, Tyler” he whispered. 

Pete opened his eyes and looked at Tyler's face.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room, Joseph!”

“I...I came to see you for...you know, the escape?”

“What on earth are you talking about” he looked really confused.

“Yesterday night, you came in my room talking about getting out of this place, together, with some others. Right?”

“I don't even know where you were last night man, but I guess you were so high on meds that you wanted to see me” he laughed softly, but nothing could disappoint Tyler more than this situation.

“So I imagined everything...?”

“Guess so.” he paused “Well nothing personal dude but I'm tired as fuck, so...maybe you could get back to sleep too?”

Tyler nodded, still disappointed. Tears filled his eyes. He had to get out.

_Go alone! You don't need anyone to get out of this fucking place, dumbass._

He was right. But he had to convince Josh to come with him. If Josh had had the opportunity of going out of here, he would surely tell Tyler. He remembered that Josh told him his room was the n°402.

He opened the door and saw Josh sitting on a chair, looking out the window. He slightly jumped as he heard the door opening, but immediately smiled as he saw Tyler's face.

“Hi” he smiled at him and stood up. He noticed the tears in Tyler's eyes and the happiness in his eyes faded away to let worry settle in. “Is everything okay?”

“Josh, I-” he hated it when he sounded that pathetic “I need you”

He frowned, not understanding what the point was.

“I feel...trapped here. And I want to go out of that place, and, feel free again-” A small sob interrupted him. “I want you to come with me. I'm not sure if I want to be free without you. Don't take it the wrong way, I mean, you're like a best friend to me, and I've never had one, and you're like...The only one who understands me and I need you to keep g-”

“Tyler” He interrupted him and put his hands on his cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. “You can't get out of here.”

Tyler shook his head “Of course we can.” He bit his lip, swallowing sobs. “There's that place, where the fence is thinner and we could-”

“Stop.” He removed his hands from his face, his tone was gentle and very calm. “Don't even think about escaping. It's fricking dangerous. The last guy who tried to escape by the exact same point of the fence you are talking about has been seen and then electrocuted. The following morning, he was walking in the common area, his eyes empty, not even able to talk properly, looking dead. And the last thing I want right know, is you, with empty eyes, not talking anymore, and looking dead.” He took his hand. The contact of his warm skin felt so nice on his freezing cold hand. A stream of tears fell down Tyler's cheeks once again. He wanted so bad to escape but he was so scared now.

“Come with me, please” his voice was shaking even if he tried so hard to avoid the crack it makes when he talks and cries at the same time.

“No, Tyler, I won't come with you. It's too dangerous. I'm sorry.”

Tyler blinked a few times, making tears fall again, and removed his hand from Josh's even if he wanted it to stay there so bad. “I have to go” 

He turned away, ignoring Josh's words. He closed the door behind him and ran down the stairs as fast as he could, trying his best not to fall. He was finally down and made his way to the back door. He opened it and looked around. He ran to the point where they went in his dream, but the fence was completely normal. He cursed and searched for the right place. But as he found it, the light of a flashlight was shining all around him, and someone firmly grabbed his shoulder. 

“Where do you think you're going, smart ass” 

He stood up and looked at the large man in front of him “I...I just- needed some...fresh air?”

The man laughed “Are you fucking kidding me kiddo? Fresh air so close to the fence? I don't think so”

_Oh my I can't believe that you're so silly! Are we even going to get out one day !?_

Tyler repeated 'I'm sorry' so many times the guard told him to 'shut the fuck up'. He took him to the 2nd floor and tied him up on the bed he slept on earlier. 

“Do you know what happens to smartasses like you that are trying to escape?” Tyler just looked at him, terrified. “We usually shock their brains or lock them away in a black room with no light, where it is so silent that it hurts. But you know what ?” He laughed. “I think you deserve both. I'm not in a good mood anyways” 

“No! No no no no no no! Please! I won't do it ever again! Just let me, it's not my fault it's Blurry he-”

“Well shut up. I don't fucking care. You made something wrong, now you have to pay for it. Like everyone else.”

He closed his eyes, realizing that he made the biggest mistake he has ever done in his whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's just pretend that it hasn't been a month since I last updated okay ?  
> Sorry bout that though...


	10. CHAPTER TEN

Tyler couldn't sleep after what he has been told. He hoped so much that he won't have to go through the both punishment. It has been a few hours now that he was laying on that bed. And at exactly 7 pm, just before the common alarm rings, he has been brought to a room -still in his bed- that was dark with only a small window on the back wall. A doctor came in the room with two guards (he assumed they were guard because they were terrifying and large) 

“Alright,” the doctor said while putting gloves on. “I'll ask you not to move during the process. And try to be silent, please.”

He applied a strange product on both sides of his head, and then placed an object in his mouth. That's when Tyler started to freak out and he could feel his heart beating in his chest. He then connected some wires to a machine and put the two sides of a stuff that looked like a strange stethoscope on his temples. One of the two guards turned a button on the machine while the others came closer to hold Tyler's body from moving with placing a hand on his throat. The doctor told the man that turned the button to start, and Tyler's whole body tensed up, shaking and he started screaming but the object in his mouth blocked the sound a bit so it just sounded like a suffocation. The two guards were holding his body, and even when the shock was over, Tyler's body was still shaking, and tears were falling down his cheeks, before his vision became blurry, a 2nd shock shook his body, it was shorter but at the end of it, he immediately lost consciousness.

\--------------------------------------------------

As Tyler opened his eyes, his whole body was aching a lot, he could barely move. But the worst pain was in his head. The skin of his temples was burning and he had the worst headache he ever had. It was so horrible, that a migraine could seem pleasant. He looked at the ceiling and he felt so dizzy he was about to throw up. The light right above him burnt his eyes, even if he knew that those lights were barely lightening the room, it felt aggressive. He couldn't tell if he was in his room or if he was back in the room he had on the 2nd floor. He heard something or somebody moving beside him. 

“Fine. I think we can get him back to his room now, Stratton.”

“Well I don't know I told him we were gonna put him in the dark room, sir...”

“We're not supposed to do that so take him to his room. Now !”

Someone left the room, letting the door slap behind him. The guy who was still in the room, -apparently 'Stratton'- cursed a few words before taking Tyler's shoulder to make him sit down on the bed. Tyler would have screamed if he had the strength to, but he felt too weak and making a move or a noise could be painful, and he needed anything but more pain right now. 

Stratton tried to make him stand up, but he almost fell as he stood up. Tyler really tried his best to stay on his feet. He tried to ignore his painful body just to be able to stand, he tried really hard. 

“Joseph you fucking have to walk I won't be able to carry you upstairs” he sighed and Tyler wanted to cry. He really tried and if he felt able to talk, he would tell him. He just needed sleep and he could walk again. Tyler finally managed to find his balance on his feet and tried to walk. It took a long time for them to walk up the stairs to his room, but as they came in front of the door, Stratton just left him alone, not even opening the door for him. Tyler reached for the door handle and tried his best to put his foot the right way so that he won't fall as he walks, but it turns out to be difficult and his feet were soon not following his body and he felt on the floor. 

Somebody came to see him and helped him to go on his bed after closing the door. He looked at him in the eyes. He looked worried. He also had very bright red hair.

“Hey Tyler, are you alright ?”

Tyler wanted so bad to answer him something as 'it hurts' or 'I need to sleep' but no words could get out of his mouth as he opened it, so he closed it. His chin began shaking as he felt a wave of sadness going through his body and tears filling his eyes. He couldn't remember anything. Of course, he remembered his life, but he couldn't remember what he's done to be in this state, neither where he currently was 

The guy told him not to cry in a very gentle way and wiped away the tears from his cheeks. “I'll let you sleep a bit and we'll talk about that later, alright ?” He smiled sympathetically at him and stood up to go to the bathroom. Tyler's eyes felt heavy while the tears kept on falling down his cheeks to drop in his neck. He soon fell asleep.

A few hours later, he opened his eyes and looked at the clock beside his bed. It was only 1 pm. He sat up in his bed. His body hurt less than earlier but his head still felt as if it was on fire. He stood up and went into the bathroom to put water on his face. He also felt relieved that he could walk properly again, even if it was still slower than usual. He looked at his face in the mirror. He had a huge bandage around his head. He frowned.

_So you don't remember anything either huh ?_

Blurry's voice made his brain bounce in his head and it was really unpleasant.

“Shut up” he whispered while spreading water all over his face. And god it felt good 

His voice was a little croaky. Did he scream earlier? His voice usually cracked when he had been screaming a lot. He shrugged that off, not really sure if he wanted to remember what happened. He went back in the room and looked out of the window. He frowned. He was scared while looking outside. He felt like he had bad memories in it, but all he could remember about it was the day he was talking to Josh and made a panic attack. But that usually not scares him so much. 

The door opened, and Red-head-guy came in with a boy that had brown hair, and wide dark eyes.

“I'm glad you're awake.” Red-head-guy smiled at him. “Do you feel better ?”

Tyler shrugged “I guess I'm alright. My head just hurts so bad...”

He couldn't remember their names, but said nothing, not wanting them to know that he actually don't know who they are because they seemed to be close friends, and he did not want to hurt them.  
The dude with brown hair jumped on a bed and looked at Tyler curiously while sitting properly on it. 

“Do you remember what happened?” He looked crazy while asking that, his eyes were wide open and he looked amazed for some reason.

Tyler shook his head really softly. “No. I can't remember anything...”

“Oh. Too bad. It could have been cool. Have you already asked your friend ?” He pointed his head, meaning 'Blurryface'.

“Yes and he can't remember either. It's not only that I don't remember how I had that” he pointed the bandage on his head “But I cannot remember what I did. Do you guys know anything? Was it yesterday ?”

They both shrugged, not knowing the answer to his question. “Sorry I don't remember anything strange about yesterday, but I know you were not sleeping here since you were in one of the 2nd floor's room. But I have no idea what you did during the night 'cause you were not next to me...”

Okay. So Red-head-guy was his roommate. Noted.

“Oh fuck!” Brown-head-guy exclaimed. “I think I may know what happened!” 

Tyler looked at him, giving him his full attention and plainly listening to him.

“It could have been Frank that tried to eat your brain so he just-”

“Brendon, stop!” His roommate looked fretful. “Frank would never do that, and you perfectly know that he only hurts himself, not the others !” Tyler also noted that the brown headed's name was Brendon. Good to know.

Brendon rolled his eyes. “Sorry but I'm trying to help! Don't you want to ask him ?” Red-head-guy looked at him, annoyed. “Hey! don't look at me like that Gerard, it's just to be sure!” 

Gerard was his roommate. Okay. Now he just had to pretend to know them.

“Brendon it's okay. I'll figure it out, alright? I will remember what happened, you don't need to blame anyone, just-”

Tyler closed his eyes shut, suddenly feeling dizzy and as he closed them, he could hear himself screaming while his body was violently shaking. As he opened his eyes, he was confused. What was that? He had no idea but he at least could remember the pain he was in.

“Is everything okay?” Gerard walked closer to him, looking concerned.

“Yeah I just had like... a flashback? I don't know...”

The conversation kept going, the three boys trying to figure out what had happened to Tyler, while he tried his best to remember who his friends were. They then went in the common area to find the others. But Josh was missing. 

_Fuck you remember him!_

Tyler sat down, trying not to show his excitement about remembering Josh, and a guy was looking at him with a very confused look. 

“Hey Tyler, was it a dream or did you really came into my room last night...?”

Tyler was now confused too. Did he do that? He really couldn't remember what happened so he just shrugged, not even remembering who was talking to him.

“So you don't know what happened to your head?” The guy next to him asked, pointing his bandage. 

“So it was you, motherfucker!” Brendon screamed, looking at the guy (who Tyler assumed was Frank because he blamed him earlier) with an I-knew-it kind of look.

“What on earth are you talking about, Brendon...! I'm in your room, you would have known if I left my bed during the night, am I right?”

“Fuck I actually forgot about that...” he scratched the back of his head.

And suddenly, Josh entered the room, and his eyes immediately met Tyler's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey so here's a new chapter, I've been writing a lot this weekend since I was very inspired (idk why) and it feels good to write again cause I had a few problems which took me a lot of time to deal with, so yeah.
> 
> I hope you liked it and that you still enjoy this story! :)


	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a fucking long time since I last updated and guys, I'm sorry about that.

Tyler smiled at him, but Josh looked sad and angry at the same time, not smiling back. He made him a sign, asking him to come with him out of the room. Tyler immediately stood up letting the others talk behind him. Josh got out of the room and so did Tyler. They were facing each other and Josh's eyes were full of sadness. 

“Hey Josh why do you look so sad...?”

He did not answer. He just kept on looking at him. Tyler became worried. 

“Josh please answer me...”

Still no answer. Josh's eyes filled with tears. “I can't believe you actually did it... I told you not to... fuck Tyler you should have listened to me! I'm glad that you at least are alive...” He started to go away, but Tyler wanted him to stay.

“Josh please don't leave!” He said this sentence really loud, it almost made his throat hurt. Josh turned away, looking at him almost half way through the staircase. “You're the only thing I remember in this whole place don't leave me...” he spoke so softly he doubted Josh heard him. He took a few steps down. Tyler was not going to repeat what he said.

“What did you just say...?” His voice was gentle, not like earlier.

Tyler chewed on his lower lip and looked down. “Nevermind...” He closed his eyes for a few seconds and looked back at him, smiling at him, as if nothing happened.

Josh looked confused. “Tyler, I heard what you said.”

Tylers smile faded away. And now Josh looked concerned. He went back down the stairs to face Tyler

“So you don't remember anything...?” Josh's voice was sad. Really sad. And it broke Tyler's heart. He had no clue what had happened to him and the last thing he wanted to do was talking about the fact that he forgot everything. 

“Tyler answer my question-”

“I remember you.”

Josh looked at him right in the eyes. “You remember me?” Tyler nodded. “And that's all? You don't know where you are right now ?”

“No...” He looked down, avoiding Josh's concern. He wanted to run away. He had the feeling that he was going to hate to talk about that. 

“Tyler-” Josh tried to take his hand but the contact scared Tyler who stepped back. Josh sighed, letting his arm fall by his side. “Tyler you're in a mental hospital.”

Tyler frowned. “In a mental hospital ? What for...?” 

Josh pointed his own head and Tyler assumed he meant “Blurryface”.

“But why...? I mean, we're fine aren't we ?”

Josh let out a sad laugh. And Tyler suddenly felt insecure. Was he insane? He quickly got dizzy but tried not to move. Everything felt weird. There were two Josh in front of him. He squinted his eyes, trying to see things clearly, but in vain. Josh was talking to him, probably asking if he was okay. And that's when his brain started to bounce once again in his skull. He brought his hands to his head, refraining a scream from escaping his throat. He kneeled, not able to stand anymore, and once again he felt the memory of his body violently shaking, feeling his muscles tense up. He then sat on the floor, his lids tightly closed, trying to avoid the headache. Then, he heard it. Blurry's voice. _Bleed bleed bleed bleed bleed bleed_ he kept on saying that one word. Tyler knew perfectly what it meant but couldn't figure out the reason why. So he just started to pull on his hair. Blurry wouldn't stop repeating that word. Tyler had to find something quickly. He stood up violently, and so did Josh.

“Tyler, stop, what are you doing- are you okay ?”

Tyler looked around him and could find nothing but the kitchen's door. It was forbidden to go there, but there were knives. 

_go to the kitchen, and bleed bleed bleed_

Tyler ran into the kitchen, almost falling a few times because of the dizziness, and looked in every single drawer to find something. No knives were to be found but then he saw it. Laying on the counter for some reason: a small knife. He took it in his hand and at that exact moment, while Blurry was screaming at him, Josh entered the room. And then everything went like in slow motion. As Josh saw what was in Tyler's hand, he ran in his direction, and the only thing that went through Tyler's mind was Blurry's orders, so he literally just stabbed his arm as fast as he could. A huge wave of pain went through his body, even hiding his headache. He looked down at his forearm and smiled. Blurry was silent now. He took the knife out of his skin and watched the blood drip on the floor.

Then he remembered he was not alone, he looked up, and saw Josh, looking at him in shock. He started to scream at him. “Why the fuck did you just do it ?! What is the point !!” Tyler stood there in silence, looking at him. Josh was now mad at him.

“It's-” he let the knife fall on the floor. “Blurry”

“Of course it is...! Why are you listening to him? You know he's completely insane !”  
Tyler's blood was still dripping. He looked at the floor and saw the amount of blood. He felt weak. He looked back at Josh.

“Josh I...” He held on to the counter not to fall. “Don't call a doctor, please-”

He then collapsed. But of course, Josh brought him in a room that looked like a hospital one, but no doctor was around. Josh left the room as someone else stepped in and he lost consciousness.

\----------------------------------------

Tyler woke up in the room Josh brought him in. There was a bandage on his forearm as well as a perfusion in his other arm. His brain was still bouncing in his skull but he felt no pain. He sighed. Someone entered the room. He looked to his left to see who it was. Of course, it couldn't be Josh. It was a man in a white lab coat. 

“Hi Tyler. I know you're having a bad time right know, but you really have to see that psychiatrist.”

Tyler had no idea what he was talking about. So he simply looked at him. He saw his name on his badge: Hanson. 

“I've been told what happened. I just don't understand why you did that. We called your parents. They are coming here to see you in a few days. Don't panic okay? I know you don't like them that much but we have to let them know. Okay?”

Tyler nodded. He remembered having bad times at home, but it was not that bad. Was it? 

“Yeah right. I'll deal with it.” he smiled at the doctor. “Can I just like, get out of that room? I'm feeling... oppressed”

“Sure, as soon as your perfusion's finished.”

Tyler looked at the bag of liquid that was hanging. It was finished soon. He hoped he could see Josh to apologize for his behavior. But he also was mad, because Josh called a doctor. Tyler sighed and Hanson went away. 

After half an hour, the perfusion was over and as soon as it was out of his vein he stood up and walked back to a room remembering being the common area. There were his “friends” sitting and talking, but Josh was nowhere to be seen. Tyler came closer to the sofa they were sitting on.

“Hey, um, do you know where Josh is?” They all looked at him weirdly.

Brendon shrugged. “I don't know where he is. Haven't seen him today.”

Some of the guys sitting there nodded while other said 'me neither'. Tyler gave up and sat on the couch with the people that used to be his friends, waiting desperately for Josh to enter the room. But of course, it did not happen. And now Tyler was upset. And angry. Because he forgot everything that had happened to him in this shitty place and these people who used to be his friends are now perfect strangers to him. On top of that, he couldn't remember what had happened just before he lost his memories. His head was hurting as fuck, as well as his forearm. But now that Blurry had what he wanted so badly, he'll stay calm for a few hours. 

Tyler got impatient. He had to find Josh. He stood up and went to the garden. Wishing he would be sitting on the bench he saw through his room's window. But as he opened the door, he saw himself running, felt an awful anxiety coursing through his veins, wanted something really bad. He also felt a lot of sadness. This was once again one of his memory but he couldn't build a clear story with the pieces he had. 

He walked outside. It was cold and it felt good to feel something freezing on his forehead. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. But as he opened them, he stayed paralyzed. 

"Hey Ty, see what I can do now? That's awesome isn't it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you so much for reading this story :)
> 
> I wanted to add that I don't forget this at all, and even if I update, like, every month? It doesn't mean that I gave up. I'm just taking my time to write since I have a looooooooooot of work to do for school and yeah. Hope you'll forgive me :D


	12. CHAPTER TWELVE

He saw a perfect replica of himself, but a creepier one, standing in front of him. The thing is that his skin was as black as a night sky and his eyes were as red as blood. But it was himself.  
He stayed silent, completely paralyzed. Not saying a single word. 

“Tyyyyyyyyleeeer !” He started to make weird movements, trying to reach his attention, or at least to hear him answer. “Look how awesome that is! I got out of you weird ass body !” 

This just couldn't be real. He closed his eyes, wishing for a hallucination, but no. As he opened his eyes, he was still here.

“Don't you know who I am ?” He paused. “Oh no. For real? Not even my voice?” 

He had the same voice as Tyler. But it sounded so creepy and cracked as if it was coming out of an old speaker. Tyler remained silent, not answering, still paralyzed.

“Oh come on! It's me, Blurryfaaaaaace” 

Tyler eyes suddenly widened. In fear. Blurry started to jump everywhere, like an excited kid, but it was far away from being cute, but all of a sudden, he stopped, turned around to look at Tyler, and started to talk in a very very calm and much scarier voice, as he approached Tyler slowly.

“Wait. Does that mean that I now get to...” He stopped and smiled. It was an evil smile though. “To torture, you, like, physically?”

Blurry has never been so mean to Tyler. But he felt more powerful than ever. Tyler was unable to move. He felt like a tree, heavy and stuck in the ground. It started raining, but Blurry stayed dry. He came closer and closer.

“I wonder what I can do right now. Should I just go back into your dumb head and think about what to do? Or should I just hurt you right now, just for fun ?”

Some one opened the door behind Tyler. Blurry stayed where he was. 

“Tyler..? Why would you just...stand under the rain? It's frickin' cold dude! Come back inside !” the voice of the person right behind him made him want to move from here so bad, but he was stuck. “Hey, Tyler! For fuck's sake come back in !”

 _HELP ME FUCKING HELP ME DON'T LET ME HERE! DON'T YOU SEE I'M NOT ALONE! I CANNOT MOVE! PLEASE! JUST PLEASE HELP ME!_ Tyler repeated to the person behind him, but in his head. He heard the footsteps of someone running and he felt his shoulder being grabbed, and it felt like his bones were breaking. He fell on the floor.

“Oh my God.... Tyler... your eyes are...” He put a hand in front of his mouth in shock. Tyler didn't know who he was. Probably one of his 'friends' from before. He also looked scared for some reason. “Bleeding...!” 

 

After what had happened Tyler was brought to a doctor. He did not pass out (for once) and stayed silent. He actually hasn't been talking since he saw Blurry. Who was back in his head by the way. His headache was still very painful. The doctor told him that his eyes were bleeding as he fell on the floor earlier. He hasn't even noticed that. The doctor sighed and stood in front of Tyler. 

“Listen, young man. We've got a real problem here. You've been a lot of trouble lately and weird stuff had happened to you. That's why we are suspecting different things about you. You are either not taking your medication, taking drugs, or trying to bring everyone's attention to you. And whatever it is, Joseph, you're in trouble.”

“I am taking my medication, sir...” Tyler answered, with a shaking voice. “and I'm also not taking drugs nor trying to bring somebody's attention on me...”

“You're not the first one telling me that. I made you an appointment with the psychiatrist in like 10 minutes. You will have to talk about what happened. And do not run away like last time.”

Tyler couldn't really tell if he was really taking his medication since he could not recall what had happened before. 

“I'm taking you there, Joseph. And do not run away.” He looked right at Tyler's eyes with a very serious expression 

“I won't” Tyler was ashamed of running away, even if he couldn't recall doing it.

_You're such a coward. Running away from a doctor ? For real ?_

Blurry's voice was really intense, ringing in Tyler's ears. He quickly closed his eyes, deciding to ignore it. He had to prove the doctor wrong. He is not going to run away.

As they arrived at the psychiatrist's office, Tyler sat down on a chair in front of the desk, and the doctor went away. Tyler swallowed noisily. 

“So, Tyler.” he looked up at him. “Why are you here, do you have an idea ?”

“Is it about...” he paused. “What happened to my head ?”

_Are you stupid or something ? Do you really think they're gonna give you an answer ?!_

The psychiatrist smiled. “No, Tyler. It's about you causing trouble to this hospital.”

“Oh...” He for sure wasn't expecting that. He wanted explanations. Not trouble.

“And it's because of those troubles you're causing, that your head is hurting you that bad.” He smiled. It was not a very sweet smile, though. “As you already know, your parents are coming in a few day. We'll have to let them know about this whole situation.”

Tyler was missing the point. “What situation are we talking about, sir...?” he frowned.

“Come on, young man. We'll talk about this with your parents. That is not today's subject. y-”

“It is. You said I came here to talk about the problem I'm causing. So let's talk about it. Because you know what? I don't remember anything because of that what you did to my head” Tyler had burst into tears while crying and speaking through his teeth, which made his head pound.

The doctor eyes opened wider. “Could you repeat what you just told ?” He did not look surprised though. Just astonished to hear it out loud.  
_Good joooooooob...._

Tyler turned his head to the left, avoiding eye contact. “You already understood what I said...” he said that sentence very slowly and quietly.

“We've been having exp-... We've used that kind of treatment for a little while now. It'll surprise me, that it would, all of a sudden, make someone's memories vanish. So don't try that kind of excuses with me. It doesn't work, Joseph.” He handed him a bow of medication. “Those will help. But not with your memories, because you still have them. Right, Tyler ?” 

Tyler looked at him in the eyes, taking the box. “What kind of psychiatrist are you “

“What ?”

Tyler eyes darkened from anger “Why are you treating us like this, huh? What kind of thing are we to you? Animals? Objects ? Scientific experiments ?”

“Tyler, get out of my office. Now.”

“NO I WON'T! I CAN'T LET YOU DOING SUCH THINGS TO SICK PEOPLE! I'M SICK, THEY'RE ALL SICK HERE! AND THAT'S HOW YOU TREAT 'EM ?!” Tyler stood up, his chair falling violently on the floor. 

“Holy shit Joseph ! Why are your eyes...”

Tyler felt a needle in his arm and dropped to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy guys. Here's a new chapter. I know, it's been month but I'm still thinking about his story and it might actually go somewhere :)  
> I had a huuuuge writer's block and was very busy with school but yep...
> 
> Hope you still enjoy it and even if I don't upload very... frequently? stick around because I still write :)
> 
> \+ : the other chapter will be up soon (sorry this one's a bit short...)


	13. CHAPTER THIRTEEN

It was the day Tyler parents were supposed to come. The doctors thought that Tyler was becoming a danger to the other patients so he's been locked away in an “isolation room”. It's been a few days since he last saw Josh. And he couldn't recall his appointment with the psychiatrist. 

Some one opened the door of his 'cell'.

“Your parents are here, Joseph. Follow me.” 

Tyler followed him to a strange room with a white table in the middle. His mom and dad were already sitting, staring at him entering the room. None of them stood up to hug him. None of them smiled at him. It was just a stare. A cold stare. A stare you could get from a stranger in the street. That kind of look, with absolutely no feelings. Tyler sat in front of his parents, not saying a word, scared to say something wrong.

“Good morning, Tyler.” His mother said. “How are you doin-”

“Stop that Kelly. He's not our son anymore. See what he became? That's not my son.”

Tyler looked at his parents, shocked. He was also disappointed and sad. Deeply sad. He was not needing such comments from his dad. He needed support. Someone to tell him that it was going to be okay. To tell him not to worry about things, like they used to do. Tyler's eyes filled with tears, and so did his mother's. 

“Chis-”

“I don't even know what we are doing here. Look at him.” 

Tyler couldn't say a word. Couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. The psychiatrist entered the room.

“Good morning Mr. and Ms. Jospeh. Thank you for coming here.”

Tyler's dad sighed. “I don't know why I'm here actually. You better give me a good reason.”

“Oh I have good reasons, sir.” He looked towards Tyler. “Your son is having serious problems.”

“Oh my God...is he gonna die ?” His mother voice was shaky, and she looked scared.

“No. Not that kind of problems. He's just not taking his medication c-”

“I am t-”

“Tyler let the doctor talk and shut your mouth” his father looked at him in a very aggressive way.

“Your son is not taking his medication correctly. At least that's what we concluded. He's been trouble lately. He tried to hurt himself several times, he tried to hurt the others, he scares the others, and even tried to escape.”

“What ?!” Tyler didn't understand. He never tried to hurt anyone or to scare anyone. But escape? He never did that. But oh yes. He couldn't recall what he did. That's true. He sighed.

“We also need your agreement for a few treatments-”

“Just do your job.Do what could possibly heal him. No matter what you have to do, just do it.”

“Oh, really?” The doctor tried to hide a smile put his lip was still betraying him. “Then you'll have to sign a few paper...” He handed Tyler's dad some sheets.

“Dad please, no...” Tyler looked at his father, his eyes begging him.

“Tyler you're sick! Okay ? You still don't get it, huh? You're just... a mess, you need to be healed! No matter what it takes !”

“They're doing horrible th-”

“Well Mr.Joseph, thank you for your agreement. We'll take care of your son as much as we can. You can leave now.”

“Wait I'd like to talk to my s-”

“Sorry Ms.Joseph, but the time's out. Maybe some other time, okay ?” He faked a smile and opened the door for Tyler parents to get out. None of them said 'goodbye'. Tyler never felt so alone in his whole entire life. Tears were starting to roll down his cheeks. He wiped them away as he stood up, leaving the room.

As he was getting up the stairs to go back in his room. He saw Josh. Sitting in the staircase alone. 

“Hi Tyler “ Josh looked up at him. “Are...you okay ?”

Tyler would have normally stopped to talk to him. Because God knows how he loved those little moments where he got to talk with Josh. But he continued, arriving at the 3rd floor, on his way to his room.

“Hey, Ty, wait...!” Josh ran to be in front of him. “What's wrong...?”

“Just...leave me alone.” He realized he was being rude. “Please.” He said that last word more gently. 

“You know you can talk to me... I did it. I talked to you when I was not okay. We can talk”

Tyler made Josh a sad smile, and tears were rolling on his cheeks again. “Alright...there are things I need to know anyway.”

“Where do we go ?”

“Your room. Is your roomate inside ?”

“Patrick? Oh, no, he's always with Pete in the common area. We can go to my room if you want to.” He smiled gently at Tyler, and they both walked to Josh's room upstairs. 

Josh sat on his bed and Tyler on Patrick's bed. 

“So, Ty, what's going on.”

“Well... My parents came to visit me, but...” His eyes filled with tears. “Well my dad was really mad, my mom was sad... none of them said goodbye or...” Tyler wiped the tears away from his cheeks. He sighed. “I don't know who I am anymore, Josh. My dad thinks I'm not his son, for some reason. The psychiatrist told them I was scaring and hurting people! He even told them I tried to escape...! Can you believe that ?!”

Josh looked down. He wasn't answering him. There was a long silence.

“Josh...?”

He looked up again “Erm, yeah ?”

“What did I do....?”

Josh looked scared and embarrassed at the same time. “I...” he sighed. “I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you that but...” He rubbed his fingers on both his closed lids. “You really tried to escape. You told Pete that you...were ready to leave, and you tried to convince me...but-”

“Oh...” Tyler looked down as well. So it was real. He was some sort of weird guy. There was a silence again. “Josh are you... afraid of me ?

“No.” He answered his question immediately. “But you scare the others. They see you hurt yourself, screaming at yourself and stuff. It's just not reassuring.”

“I do …?” Josh nodded. Tyler stood up to look out the window. “I feel like I'm not able to get someone to like me...to get someone to be my friend....”

“You told me I was like a best friend to you. Remember?” Josh was now behind him. 

“Yes, I do remember...” Tyler turned around, facing Josh.

“Well I like you. As a friend, of course...” his gaze went down to Tyler's lips, and then up to his eyes again. Tyler did not realize how close they were from each other. Very, very close. Josh wiped a tear from Tyler's chin, but it felt more like a caress. 

“I- I like you too- I mean... I like you as a... as a-”

Josh leaned forward, and their lips were now touching. “As a what ?”

Tyler gave no answer, he was just craving for a kiss. Josh smiled and they then kissed. Josh put his hand on Tyler's neck as Tyler touched Josh's cheek. It felt good. It was a very good kiss. It was Tyler's first kiss. Josh pulled him closer with a hand on his back, smiling in the kiss. Tyler ran his fingers through Josh's hair. It felt good to be liked 'as a friend'.

As the kiss was over, Tyler looked at Josh in the eyes. “W- Why...?”

“I just want you to know, that no matter what, I'll support you. I can imagine what you're going through. And you're not alone, okay ?”

“But... why were you so mad the other day then...? I felt like-”

“What's the point in being mad? It's not your fault. Not at all. And I'm sorry I acted like a dick. Really.”

_don't trust him ! Don't you see he's messing with you?_

“Josh I...I feel like I'm facing a new problem with...Blurry...”

“Tell me.” He stroked Tyler's cheek gently.

“He is now able to... do things he never did before...he...” He sighed.

“Like what ?” 

“Appearing right in front of me, in my imagination and actually hurt me physically, and...the other day I had this appointment with the psychiatrist and at some point, I got really mad and...I couldn't control what I was saying or doing anymore and I think it was Blurry speaking out loud. He's using my body as a tool now. I'm not his 'wrapping' anymore. I'm his weapon...he can literally use me to do whatever he wants...”

“Oh gosh... that's really bad...”

"I don't even know what to do... I'm just... I'm not even able to control what's happening to myself...!"

_Always told you, you are worthless Tyty. You never listened to me though_

"Hey, hey hey hey... calm down." He took his face in his hands. "Look at me. It's going to be alright. Trust me." He smiled at him.

He needed that.  
And Tyler believed him.  
He maybe shouldn't have.


	14. CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Josh has been really nice with Tyler the past few days. But none of them dared to talk about the kiss they shared. Tyler had an appointment with the psychiatrist in about half an hour. He was finally allowed to sleep in his room. Tyler was pacing in the corridor, not knowing what to do. He wanted to see Josh (of course) but he was also scared to see him for some reason. Tyler was also getting a bit better. With the help of the guys who used to be his friends, he managed to recall a few things that had happened to him before he lost his memory. 

Brendon showed up, coming down from the 4th floor. “Hey Tyler, what are you doing here alone? Aren't you with Joshie ?” He came close to him.

Tyler shook his head. “No, I don't know what to do actually”

“About what ?”

“No, about nothing, just like, right now, I'm bored” 

Brendon laughed “Oh ! Ok, sorry... If you want we can, like, sit in the staircase and we could talk about what you've forgotten”

Tyler nodded his head so they went to sit in the staircase.

“Brendon I wanted to know something.” Brendon looked at him, a bit surprised. “Why are you here? I mean, what is your disease …?”

“Well, erm...” he sighed. “They say I am severely anorexic. That's what they say but, I think I'm not. Do you actually think I'm too fat and so that's why you're asking? Because I am not eating much. They give me medicine but I'm sure that's why I'm that fat. Don't you think? I used to eat a lot! Can you imagine having a meal pro day? Oh gosh, I just want to vomit now...just imagining the amount of food I used to eat... Hey, have I lost weight? I'm trying really hard to but I'm still fat. I don't understand. Stop judging me, please. I know, my body is really ugly. I'm overweighted. I'm doing my best. I don't have any problems. Do you think I have a pr-” he suddenly stopped. “Am I talking too much ?”

Tyler looked at him, really confused. He never heard such a speech. Brendon was way too thin. Every time he moves, it feels like he is going to break one of his bones. 

“Brendon how much do you weight …?”

“Hey, that's a very personal quest-”

“How much, Brendon, I'm serious.”

“Tyler that's none of your business, dude! Stop asking me that I'm really uncomfortable with it okay? All you have to know is that it is too much !”

“Ok sorry dude...”

Brendon sighed. “I'm sorry but it's hard, you know? It feels weird when everyone tells you that you're really underweighted, but you feel oversized. I don't know who's actually lying. Are they all lying to me, to make me feel more comfortable with myself? Or am I lying to myself, which means that I am actually thin, but can't see that ?

“Brendon, the only advice I can give you, is that if you don't want to die, you have to eat. And I'm not joking. If you could see yourself the way we all are seeing you, you wouldn't try to lose weight. I promise.”

“It's weird. When I look at my reflexion, I just see... a fat guy, getting fatter every day because of the pills they give me...” he sighed. “I don't want to die but I don't want to eat either...”

A doctor came up the stairs. “Joseph, the Dr.Emmerson is waiting for you.”

Tyler nodded and looked at Brendon. “We'll finish this conversation later ok ?” Brendon smiles at him as Tyler stood up and went to the psychiatrist's office. As he arrived, he opened the door and sat down.

“Good morning Tyler.” The doctor looked at him. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Tyler just looked at the psychiatrist, not saying a word. 

“It's about Joshua Dun. I've been told that you both spend a lot of time together. Is that true ?”

Tyler nodded, even if he was missing the point. 

“We talked about it with the Dr. Hanson, and we decided that it was better for you not to talk to him anymore”

“What- Why !” Tyler frowned. He was now really confused. 

“Listen, Tyler. Joshua is a very disturbed kid. He's been through a lot and-”

“Yes I know that he told me about his dad...”

“About his dad? What do you mean ?”

Tyler sighed. “He told me that his dad killed his whole family-”

“And you believed him ?”

“Yes, of course, I believed him !”

The Doctor scratched the back of his ear. “That is actually not the official version we have but...- He told you his father killed his family ?”

Tyler nodded. “I don't know what you heard but I'm sure he told me the truth. He seemed so hurt when he told me what had happened. No one could fake that. It was true.”

“I don't think so Tyler. Joshua is... well, he has many other problems than depression. I'm not supposed to tell you what he is suffering from but you should stay away from him. For you own sake. Or you'll pay the consequences.” The doctor's eyes darkened. He was completely serious about what he just told. But Tyler was even more confused.

“Then what is your official version about what happened? I'm not going to stop talking to him if I have no reason to.”

“Well it is not a question, young man. You _have_ to stay away from him. And you're not supposed to know information about the other patients.”

“I'm really confused right now. I can't stop talking to him for no reason. And mind your own business! If I want to talk to my friend, I talk to my friend !-”

“Tyler, Joshua killed his whole family alone! He is not your friend! He is a paranoid psychopath suffering from depression and a schizoid personality disorder!”

Tyler looked at the doctor. He looked very angry. Was it the truth? Or was he just trying to scare him? 

_I told you, Josh is a bad person. You shouldn't have friends. I'm your only friend, right? Josh is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad bad..._

Blurry was still repeating _bad_ and Tyler had now a migraine starting. He did not answer the doctor. He wanted to talk to Josh before believing him. Josh was a good person. Right ? Of course, he was...

 _Stop being in love with a murder, Tyler. It's gonna kill you_

He laughed. But it sounded like a 100 people playing the drums in his skull. 

“I... I don't know what to say...”

“Just stay away from Joshua. If you don't, we will take care of this. But you won't like it.”

Tyler stood up after the doctor told him to leave. He went back to his room, where he was alone. But someone got out of the bathroom. Tyler was paralyzed. It was Blurry again.

“Why don't you talk to Joshie to tell him how mean it is to lie? He's bad. I told you that. But you never listen to me. You're nothing. You trusted him when he lied to you. You told him things that he maybe shouldn't have known about you. You're stupid and worthless.” 

Tyler wanted to defend Josh but he felt like Blurry somehow was right.

“I need to talk to him.”

“Yes you do. And don't be gentle with that asshole. He's as worthless as you are”

“Why do you keep telling me I'm worthless...”

“ Cause you are! You never listen to the advice you're given! I tried to warn you, that no one here, was worth it, and you absolutely wanted to be friends with 'em! And that's your problem Tyler! That guy you talked to earlier, have you seen him? He is completely in denial! If he can't even tell the truth to himself, do you think you can trust him for anything? And Josh! He lied to you! And all the people in here are crazy and completely lost ! And so are you! If you want to get out of here, you shouldn't try to make friends with anyone, but you should just show everyone that you are sane and that you don't belong here for fuck's sake !”

“You keep telling me I'm sane even if I'm literally talking to myself right now....”

Blurry came closer and gripped his neck “You have to do something ! Stop talking! Stop listening, stop caring about everything! Just prove them that you have to get OUT !” 

His nails were now digging into Tyler's flesh and blood drips were now falling in his lap. “Find Josh and punch his face, dammit !”

Blurry disappeared in a black smoke and Gerard was staying behind it.

“That...was weird....”

Tyler stood there, looking at him, not really knowing what he could have seen. “What”

“You were talking to yourself... with two different voices and... you literally just choke yourself ! What the fuck? Are you okay? ”

“Just... mind your own business...” He got out of the room. He needed to find Josh

_Woa ! You've been mean ! Congratulations !_

“Shut up”

He walked to Josh's room, hoping he could find him there. He walked in without knocking. Here was Josh. But also Patrick. 

“Hey Tyler !” Patrick smiled at him. 

“Patrick I have to talk to Josh it's really important. Could you please leave?” 

Patrick stood up, confused, and got out of the room. 

“What is it you want to talk about ?” Josh looked at him.

“You lied to me.”


	15. CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“What? No...”

_Insult him!!_

“You haven't told me the truth about your parents. It's not your dad who killed them, it's you !”

Josh looked confused. “Tyler, I did not...”

_let me hurt him !_

“I thought I could trust you !”

“You can!”

“Oh can I? Because that's not how I feel right now. Have you lied about something else? Because I really start to doubt everything you told me by now.”

Tyler felt Blurry pushing through his chest to take over and to deal with this situation but he really did not care.

Josh looked deeply into Tyler's eyes. “Who told you this”

“Does it matter ?” 

“Yes it does.”

“Why ?”

Josh sighed and turned around, looking through the window. “Because I know exactly who told you this and I know exactly why...” 

“Stop. Just, stop.” Tyler's eyes filled with tears. “You can't even imagine how bad it hurts. You were my only friend here. The only one I trusted.”

“Damn Tyler, listen to me!” He paused, looking back at Tyler to make sure he was listening. “I did not lie to you. Okay ? You can still trust me! The doctor told you that because he doesn't want me to have friends because he wants me to get out of here! I don't know why, but he hates me. Every time I try to make friends with someone, he tells them what he told you, that's also one of the reasons why I stopped speaking. So I couldn't “lie” to anyone. But you, I felt you were special, so I opened up to you, I knew, that whatever you could be told, you'd still trust me. But now I think I was wrong”

Tyler looked at Josh, not knowing what to think. He could be lying again or telling the truth. It was really hard to know and he was now confused. 

“How can I be sure you're not trying to convince me that you are no psychopath ?”

“Can you just think for a minute? If I was a psychopath, for real, I wouldn't be in a room with a roommate, I wouldn't be allowed to go in the common area, I would stay alone in a room all day, just to make sure that no one's hurt because of me. I would have probably hurt you, physically.”

“I don't know what to think anymore. I am so confused Josh...”

Josh looked at him in the eyes. “You know how I feel about you, how we both feel. I would never hurt you Tyler I promise. I don't know how to convince you that I am saying the truth but... please don't make what we had disappeared...”

“You really think we had something ?” Tyler frowned

“You don't ?”

“I felt like I was the only one here feeling something...” He looked away

“I am sorry Tyler... I may look confident in what I do but... I actually am trying to figure things out... I have no clue what I am doing”

Tyler shrugged. “I just really don't know what to do right now Josh. I don't. Everything is so confusing...”

Josh came closer and hugged him. Tyler closed his eyes. He somehow managed to calm himself. 

“Have you killed your family, Josh ?”

“No I haven't.”

Tyler smiled, released, as Josh kissed the top of his head. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Do you think we are going to get out of here one day ?”

“I really don't know.”

As Brendon and Gerard were talking together, Tyler was laying in his bed, writing something.

“Tyler, what do you think ?”

“Hm ?”

“What do you think?” Brendon repeated

“About what”

“Do you think we are going to get out of here anytime?”

“100% sure we'll die here.”

“You mean... we'll die young or...”

“No, I mean we're stuck in here forever, Brendon.”

“Oh”

Tyler smiled at him. Gerard sighed.

“Are you going to give me any explanations about what I saw earlier ?”

“What have you seen?” Brendon was confused.

“I won't give you any explanation because I don't know what happened. And this confuses me a lot.”

Gerard was about to answer when Brendon asked a question

“Are you dating Josh, Tyler ?”

Tyler turned his head really quickly to look at Brendon. “Why would you ask that”

“I don't know, Patrick told me that you come a lot to see Josh in their room, and... you are always asking everyone where he is so I was just wondering”

“I'm not” he turned his head to look at his notebook.

“You definitely are !” He laughed. “Oh wait! Is it something else? Do _you_ like him but he doesn't ?”

“Brendon stop. We're not dating.”

“But you like him don't you” he smirked. Tyler sighed. “Oh my god Gee look! This is so cute he's blushing!”

Tyler looked at Brendon, annoyed. 

“Have you kissed ?” He looked excited.

“Seriously?” Tyler laughed.

“Oh come on! There has to be something going on between you two! I bet you look cute together”

“Thank you, Brendon, but I think I'm about to disappoint you: We are not dating”

“You should be”

“Why ?”

“I just told you! You look very cute together! Oh, wait! You could be my parents!”

“Brendon, that's really weird...”

“Sorry I'm excited. But now for real. I think you're completely gay.”

“I'm not” he laughed

“Oh yes you are! Patrick told us that the way you look at Josh speaks for itself. You frickin' like him, Ty !”

“Do I ?”

“I bet you do !” 

“Hey you guys, just stop. I was trying to have a real conversation with Tyler before you started your drama Brendon”

“Don't act like it's not interesting at all! You're the first to ask the questions to Pat !”

“It is not the issue right now, I admit I'd like to know more about...all that but I think what I have to ask is more important Brendon.” He looked away from Brendon to look at Tyler “Are you okay Tyler ?”

“I am. I really am”

“Why were you literally yelling at yourself with two different voices before choking yourself then ?”

Tyler sighed.

“You did what ?” Brendon was shocked “That's creepy”

“I was not, yelling at myself, nor choking myself. But it is-” he sighed “Blurryface is getting stronger and I can actually see him in front of me now. He appears and talks and can physically hurt me”

“Tyler you were doing all this to yourself”

“No ! I was not! It was him he-”

“If you're doing this to yourself that means that it can stop. It really can. That also means that you can try to find a way to control what happens.”

“How? It's impossible. It's getting harder and harder to hide him. At the beginning, he was just talking to me. That was ok until he started to appear in front of me...”

“We'll work this out Tyler. Don't worry-”

The door opened and Josh showed up.

“Oh my I knew it! “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit that I am not into that story as I used to be at the very beginning but I still have inspiration sometimes even if it is very rare...  
> I'm sorry if I haven't been writing or updating lately but I just had a lot more to think about but I'll have more time by now so I hope I'll get the chance to finish this story.
> 
> Sorry once again, I hope you guys still read it, and that you still like it :)


	16. CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“Brendon calm down !” Tyler turned to Josh. “What is it ?”

Josh made him a sign to go outside with him. Tyler stood up and got out of the room with him, but before disappearing behind the door he looked at Brendon, whispering a 'shut the fuck up' while Brendon was looking at him with a strange smile.

Tyler closed the door behind him and looked at Josh.

“I've been wondering if you are doing fine lately... I'm worried”

“Yes I am. Is It the only reason why you came ?”

“Tyler.” He looked at him right in the eyes. “Are you okay ?”

“Why is everyone asking if I'm okay. I am! ”

_Liar_

“But I mean with Blurryface. I've had the feeling that he was becoming stronger. Is he ?”

Tyler doesn't want to answer that question. Yes, Blurry became stronger. But admitting it made him feel weak. He does not want Blurry to take advantage of this weakness. 

“Tyler ?”

“Sorry, what?”

Josh sighed. “Answer my question, please.”

“Josh I don't want to talk about Blurryface. Really...”

_You already talk about me all the time, so..._

“Okay sorry.”

Tyler smiled at him weakly. 

“Well I actually came for something else as well...”

“Yes ?”

Josh hesitated to say something. “You know... you came in my room earlier today and... em” He scratched his chin. “You told me that you felt like you were the only one between the two of us that was feeling something. And I realized that my answer was a bit confusing-”

“Yes it was”

“So... I wanted to make it clear Tyler: I like you a lot”

“Yeah as a friend, you already told me that, Josh.”

Josh sighed. Tyler wanted him to get that he was indeed a very confusing person. If he liked him the other way than 'as a friend' he wanted Josh to make it clearer.

“Tyler listen to me. I like you more than a friend. I really do. It's just that... it is very difficult for me to show my emotions and it's hard to show someone how I feel about something... forgive me if I confused you I did not mean it I promise”

Tyler smiled. Josh liked him. Without even thinking about it, Tyler came closer to Josh, put his hand in his neck and kissed him. Once again, the same feeling: it really felt good. But Tyler hoped that this time, it would mean something. That it was the beginning of a long story. Not only a kiss between 'two friends'.

“Holy shit Gerard come they're kissing! I KNEW IT!” Tyler immediately pulled away from Josh. Of course, it could only be Brendon.

He was now jumping around them repeating 'iknewitiknewitiknewit'. They haven't even noticed that the door next to them opened. Tyler whispered a 'shit'.

Tyler's psychiatrist was walking in the corridor and before he could hide or move, Brendon screamed a beautiful “They finally kissed I knew it!”

“Brendon shut the fuck up!” Tyler tried to be discreet but his psychiatrist already heard it all.

“Urie, Way, back in your room” They both disappeared almost immediately. “Joseph. You don't remember what I told you the other day, do you?”

Tyler remembered perfectly the doctor's words: _Just stay away from Joshua. If you don't, we will take care of this. But you won't like it._ “I'm sorry doctor I was telling Josh that we shouldn't hang o-”

“Yes sure. While kissing him right? Dun, back in your room. Urie made it very clear that you weren't 'talking'. Someone will come to handle this situation. Go back in your room Joseph.”

Tyler was freaking out. He got back in his room very quickly. 

“Gerard I need your help”

“What in the hell is happening !” he looked scared as well.

“My psychiatrist told me to stop hanging out with Josh because he was dangerous. The thing is that Brendon was screaming that we just kissed so he heard it all. He also told me that they would 'take care of the situation' if they saw us together again. I don't know what to do. Gerard, there is something I have to tell you before it gets worst.”

“I'm listening”

“Last time, I don't know what they did to me, but the marks I had on the sides of my head, whatever it was, it made me lost my memory. I couldn't remember who you guys were and where I was. I'm scared this will all happen again, Gerard. I'm freaking out!”

“Okay, em, holy shit I don't know what to say! Someone's coming to get you right ?”

“Yes like, in a minute or two maximum”

“I'm sorry but... I can't do anything Tyler...I hope you'll be alright...”

He came close to him and hugged him tight.

“It's ok don't worry... but just forgive my behavior if I wake up without remembering anything”

“I'll help you figure things out. Don't worry.”

_YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO THAT DOCTOR NOW YOU'RE SO FAR AWAY FROM GETTING OUT OF HERE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT_

Tyler tried to ignore Blurry's screaming in his head while the door opened and two doctors came in, grabbed Tyler by his arms and brought him to a room on the 2nd floor. Blurry was repeating insults to him in his head. They laid him down on a bed, tied him up, and he had the impression that he already knew what was going to happen. He suddenly remembered everything: the dream, the escape, the electrocution.

_“Alright, I'll ask you not to move during the process. And try to be silent, please.”  
He applied a strange product on both sides of his head and then placed an object in his mouth. That's when Tyler started to freak out and he could feel his heart beating in his chest. He then connected some wires to a machine and put the two sides of a stuff that looked like a strange stethoscope on his temples. One guard turned a button on the machine while the others came closer to hold Tyler's body from moving with placing a hand on his throat. The doctor told the man that turned the button to start, and Tyler's whole body tensed up, shaking and he started screaming but the object in his mouth blocked the sound a bit so it just sounded like a suffocation. The two guards were holding his body, and even when the shock was over, Tyler's body was still shaking, and tears were falling down his cheeks before his vision became blurry, a 2nd shock shook his body, it was shorter but at the end of it, he immediately lost consciousness. _

And somehow, the exact same scenario just happened while Tyler remembered every single detail of what happened the last time. He immediately lost consciousness right after the 2nd shock.


	17. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Tyler opened his eyes. It was dark in the room. He felt the exact same pain as last time he woke up from his electrocution. Wait...!

 _I remember everything! Nothing happened!_ Tyler internally smiled and slept for a few hours.

As he woke up he was no longer on the 2nd floor's bed but in his. It was also no longer dark outside. He couldn't move much. His members actually don't want to move when he wants them to. The felt heavier than usual. Great. At least he had his memory back. He looked around the room and saw a perfusion dripping in his arm. He sighed silently. Someone suddenly opened the door. Tyler slowly turned his head to see who it was. Gerard and Frank. As they both saw that he was awake, they started to smile.

“Thank God Tyler you're alive!” Frank smiled at him.

Tyler felt too weak to smile back and even to answer him and he felt bad for that. Gerard and Frank shared a look and Gerard turned to Tyler.

“I am aware that it might not be the best moment to tell you that but-” he hesitated and put his face in his head while whispering an 'oh my god' and then let his arms fall on his sides. “Josh is now locked away in a room and they are thinking about transferring him somewhere else.”

 _What...?_ Tyler looked at Gerard and then closed his eyes. A tear was slowly running down his cheek. And he hated being so weak. He was surprised that Blurry didn't say anything or that he has not taken the chance to take over Tyler to be in control all the time.

“I am sorry Tyty...” Frank looked down at his own feet. He felt bad for Tyler. 

“Tyler, can you move? Or speak?” Gerard was now very concerned.

Of course, Tyler couldn't give him any answer because of his current state. But he wanted so bad to show him that he was fine on the inside.

“I think we lost him, Gee...” Frank grabbed Gerard's forearm as if he were scared.

“No. He is still there, he is not an empty shell, he reacted when I told him about Josh. Don't worry.”

Tyler internally smiled. Gerard knew. But he was still very tired, because he has been trying to move and speak but in vain. He silently sighed and closed his eyes. 

“But Gee... He can't speak! He can't move!”

“Don't be so pessimistic. He'll be fine. Okay? I think we should go. He seems tired.” They both said goodbye to Tyler as they went out of the room.

 

Two weeks later, Tyler was able to move again, but very slowly. Talking was still impossible. He was sitting on his bed, not knowing what to do, since he was not allowed to leave his room. He used this moment to try to speak again. As he was trying to say a random word, he felt Blurry in his chest, pushing.

_What are you doing!_

_I am taking over to take the control on you because you've been so pathetic lately!_

_Don't do that! Just let me try okay?_

_I know how it'll finish, dumbass. You'll start to make friend again, to refuse healing y-”_

_I have nothing to heal!_

_Yeah right. Anyway, you're doing everything wrong. Remember the goal is to get the fuck out of here! And since you're not able to figure how to do this by yourself then you'll have to take your medication. And because you don't want to, I'll do it._

Blurry was now taking over. Tyler was way too weak to fight it back. He was also freaking out because he did not know how it goes when Blurry is taking over. But what he knew for sure, was that he is going to mess up every single friendship Tyler tried to build.

All of a sudden, Tyler felt strength trough his body, but of course not through his mind because it would have been too easy to already put Blurry back in his head. He also did not know that Blurry was able to give him strength the way he was right now. Against his willing, he stood up and went to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. Tyler has never seen his face look that confident in his whole life. It looked scary. 

_Give me my body back!_

“Go fuck yourself Tyty, it is now my body.” An evil smile appeared on his face. “I feel like I'm going to enjoy this. A lot!” He turned around and went back to sit on his bed. “Just so you know, your friends aren't mine.”

_No please!_

“You don't need anyone, we'll be out soon. You're never seeing them again.” He heard the door opening and looked in its direction.

“Tyler...?” It was Brendon's voice. “Oh great, you're awake. Em, I wanted to apologize, for what I did... I am sorry I was excited and seeing the two of you actually making out right after you told me you were straight... I was really excited, Tyler. I'm sorry that I put you in so much trouble...”

_Oh my, Brendon...tell him I forgive him_

Blurry laughed. “Do you really think I'll accept that shitty apology? You put me in so much trouble, dickhead. I'll never forgive you. They electrocuted me once again. Do you realize that? Do you even know how much that shit hurts? I don't think so. So now, shut the fuck up, and, for fuck's sake, get out of my room!” He put a fake smile on his face.

_What?! No!! This is not what you're supposed to say! Please apologize right know! He does not deserve that, Blurry!_

Brendon looked shocked. Tears were now filling his eyes. “I am so really sorry Tyler I... I did not know that they... that they electrocuted you... Oh my gosh, I am so deeply sorry Tyler, please forgive me...” He was starting to cry.

“What are you exactly? A pussy? Stop crying I hate it! Get the fuck OUT!” 

Brendon apologized once again and went out.

“If only you could feel how funny it is to hurt people!"

_Blurry I beg you to stop right now! He does not deserve that!_

“Your friends aren't mine. Remember?”

He flashed an evil smile on his face once again, ready to destroy more of Tyler's friendships.

\----------------------  
Brendon went back to his room, crying. Frank looked up at him.

“Oh no, Bren! What is it? He did not forgive you?” Frank looked at him, worried.

Brendon shook his head in response. “But he was so mean! He insulted me and...and...he told me that he has been electrocuted...”  
“What?” Frank was now shocked. “They actually do that to people here?”

Brendon nodded his head. “Apparently..."

“Do you think that the electrocution changed who he was?”

“I have no idea but I don't ever want to talk to him. Never.”

“Don't be so dramatic. He's our friend. Right?”

Brendon shrugged. “I don't know anymore... I mean, what I did was not cool. But it was not on purpose! I did not know about all this stuff going on between Josh, Tyler and his psychiatrist! How was I supposed to! I don't get why he was so rude... it felt like I was talking to someone else... he actually was creepy”

“Don't worry. He'll be fine.” Frank said while scratching his forearm.

“Stop it, Frank” Brendon looked at what Frank was doing while wiping the tears away from his cheeks. He immediately stopped to look at him, as if nothing happened.

“We need to warn the others. So that they know, that they should not worry if Tyler is weird. Okay?”

Brendon nodded.

\------------------  
Tyler/Blurry went to the director's office. He entered after knocking. 

"I did not expect to see you today, Tyler.”

“Well, I wanted to let you know that I'd like to take more efficient medication to heal my problem, sir.”

The director looked taken aback “Okay, well see your psychiatrist for that. But tell him I... I allow that.” 

Tyler/Blurry nodded and went to his psychiatrist's office. He told him the same thing.

“Well, I am happy to hear that Tyler, seems like Josh's negative influence doesn't affect you anymore. I'll give you the necessary. You'll have to go see Hanson so that he gives you the pills.”

He wrote a few things on a paper and gave it to him. He forced a smiled, said 'thank you' and went to see Hanson to have his pills. When he got 'em, he was heading to his room.

_What do you exactly plan on doing?_

“Taking these pills regularly, when they tell me to, and then, acting like a good kid around them, and like a dick around the others, 'your friends' if you prefer. You'll ask why, I know it, so I'll answer that right now: to get out of here as quickly as possible.

_I hope those pills actually kill you. I really hope so._

“This is really sweet of you, Tyty. But if I die, you do too.” he smiled

_I don't give a damn about dying. Even more when it involves you not bothering me anymore. You are ruining everything. Just be aware of that._

“I am not 'ruining' anything, actually. They are all poor little-depressed kiddos that aren't even able to see, that they have a problem. They all are pathetic. And so are you, by the way.”

Tyler already hated this. But the worst was that he can't even do anything to fix this situation. Blurry was way too strong. Blurry continued his path to his room, while whisper-singing 'your friends aren't mine'.


	18. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

It was nighttime from the day after. Tyler couldn't sleep. He felt weak and Blurry wasn't saying a thing. It seemed like Tyler had the control again. Hope started to fill his chest. Blurry was very mean to Gerard today. That's why Gerard was now mad at him. He took his notebook and wrote a note for Gerard to see the following morning: _Gee, I'm sorry about what I said today. But you need to know (and to tell the others) that Blurry has taken control over me and he is trying to ruin every single friendship I built with you all. Just believe me, please. I am really sorry, Tyler._

Blurry didn't react, so Tyler assumed he would not see it. He tore the page, folded it and put it on Gerard's side table. He still couldn't sleep so he started to write. He was not sure if they were poems, song lyrics or just words written on paper, but he needed to write. 

The following morning, he was not really sure if he has been sleeping a lot. He was hoping that he definitely took back the control over Blurry, but he felt that wave of strength that he gives him everytime he wakes up. The first thing Blurry did was taking the piece of paper that was for Gerard to read, and threw it in the bin. Tyler was now upset.

_Why would you do that ?!_

“You don't need friends. Remember we're getting out of here soon?” He whispered while going in the bathroom to swallow a bunch of pills. 

_You disgust me._

“Too bad for you 'cause you literally live in my body right now.”

_No, it's you that is living in MY body. Not the other way around._

Blurry laughed silently and went to breakfast where he, of course, sat alone. Tyler noticed that Josh was entering the room. Wasn't he supposed to be locked away?

_Do me at least one favour, please_

“Hm ?”

_Do not talk to Josh!_

Blurry did not respond. Tyler was trying to hear the conversation at his friend's table, and he heard Patrick saying that Josh (he assumed) was now allowed to get out of his room. Tyler internally smiled.

The whole day consisted of staying in his bedroom because Tyle convinced Blurry that 'if he doesn't want to have friends he shouldn't go where people were'. He somehow agreed, and stayed in his room the whole day, not saying anything, not doing anything. 

He had an appointment with his psychiatrist in 10 minutes, so he decided to go. He wanted to act like a good kid around people that could eventually have the influence to make him get out, as he said. As he arrived there, he automatically put a fake smile on his face, knocked, and opened the door.

“Hello, Tyler.” The doctor smiled at him.

“Hello” he responded with his fake smile.

“So, how have you been?”

“Better, actually. Since I've taken my meds, I've been feeling better.”

“And 'Blurry' as you name it, is he still there?”

He thought about a credible answer for a moment. “Well, he is still there, of course, but he talks less and he is not that bad anymore. I mean, he only speaks very rarely.”

“Like when, for example?”

_You're screwed_

And indeed, he was. He thought for a moment and came up with a very simple answer. “There are no specific moments, it's really random. It can be when I'm alone, or even with someone, but mostly in my sleep. He feels like a nightmare and not really like a part of me anymore.”

_Fuck why are you so good at this!_

Blurry smiled at Tyler's remark. 

“This is very good, Joseph. I'm glad you finally accepted to heal. It was not a bad idea.” He smiled at him.

“Oh, and I had a question...”

“Sure”

“If it continues so well, with the treatment I mean, when would I be able to get out?”

A short silence followed the question. “If you continue like that, then...” He looked through his computer for a while and then looked at him again. “In less than two weeks.” He paused. “Though, it is possible that the treatment stops working because you become used to it. It happens frequently and it can be necessary to then start a new treatment. If this one works as well, then you'll be out in a month I guess.”

“Oh, I promise this treatment would work. Don't worry about that, sir.” He smirked. 

“Well, that's all for today. I'm really glad to hear you're doing better. I'll see you...in a week okay?”

Blurry nodded and went out of the room, smiling.

“I am winning this, dumbass. I am!”

_Why am I not happy about getting out?_

“Cause you're a complete idiot.” he said while smiling.

 

And two weeks later, Blurry had time to meet the psychiatrist several times, and everything was ready for him to get out during the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry if the chapters are shorter than usual, it's just that I'm a bit scared of going too quickly with this... I hope you understand :)
> 
> +hope you still enjoy this :D


	19. CHAPTER NINETEEN

Tyler was allowed to leave in the afternoon. He had time in the morning to gather his stuff together, and then to go to the director's office. He was now out. In front of the huge door he had to face a long time ago. Blurry felt excited, Tyler was sad. A cab stopped in front of him. He got in and looked through the window on his way to the airport. The director told him that everything was paid. The cab to the airport, the flight, and then another cab for him to go back home. During the last week, Tyler used to write in his notebook a lot at night when Blurry was not in control. He wrote about the mental hospital, about his friends, and of course, about Josh. A tear rolled down his cheek, Blurry sighed. Tyler does not have control yet. Blurry said that he wanted to be sure, that Tyler was all alone before letting him take back the control. That means that he has to find a job, to find an apartment and to be able to live on his own without anyone around. He was not against it since Blurry fucked every single one of his friendships. He needed space. It is very controversial knowing how bad it hurt when he lost his friends, but he knew for sure he'll never see them again. Even Josh. The thought of losing Josh was the worst. They were definitely having something that could have lasted. It hasn't. Because this mental hospital was like hell, and that's why this relationship he could have had with Josh has been stopped before it even started. Maybe it was a sign. Tyler wanted to believe that it was for the best but he couldn't see how.   
The cab arrived at the airport. An hour later, approximately, Tyler was on the plane, and then, after the flight, in a cab, and he ended up at his parent's house. 

Blurry stopped in front of the door. “I warn you, I'm not gonna be emotional. They don't deserve you being nice to them after what they did. If you feel bad for them, just remember how cold-hearted they are. How they cowardly let you go in that shit, and then visited you once, only to be assholes with you. So don't even try to stop me, right?”  
Tyler hated to admit it, but Blurry was right. And Tyler hated his parents too right now. Blurry knocked. A few seconds later, Tyler's dad opened the door.

“What the-... Tyler?” He looked very, very confused. “You shouldn't be here! You escaped?”

Blurry, with a voluntary forced smile, handed him the paper signed by the director, explaining that he was doing better, and was now allowed to go out. It seemed like Tyler's father read it a hundred times. “Have you written that on your own?” He looked pissed.

“No. Call the mental hospital if you want to. They'll tell you the same thing. Believe me or not, I'm out. And I am allowed to.” He pushed Tyler's dad to the side and went inside, going up in Tyler's room, locking the door behind him. He heard his dad making a phone call and then talking with his wife. 

“We have to collaborate now, Tyler.”

_Why would I do that?_

“Maybe because you're smart enough not to live here forever. Where in the hell is your computer!”

_On my desk, dumbass. Open your eyes._

He sighed and opened the laptop. He searched for an apartment in town. 

“Why the fuck can't you live alone! There are only shared apartments!”

_Can't you think for a second? I can't afford an apartment, I have to find a job first!_

“Wait a second.” Blurry stood up and went downstairs, where he interrupted a discussion between Tyler's parents. His mom came slowly closer to him, hesitating to touch him.

“Holy shit, mom I'm not a monster!” Blurry sighed. 

_Don't be rude..._

“Tyler, I...” She looked at her husband. “We are...” she hesitated. “ _proud_ of you. You made it!” She doesn't even look sincere. Tyler knew when her smile was fake.

“Yeah, right. Anyway, I'm telling you I won't stay in that house because you both are-”

_Do not insult my parents!_

“...you both are... em... weird and I don't want to rot inside of that shitty room of mine. So give me money and you'll never see me again.”

They both looked taken aback. “Tyler, baby...” his mother started

“It's my choice. I want to be alone. I suffered enough because of you. I don't want any more pain. I am leaving. Whether you like it or not.”

A long silence followed Blurry's words. He noticed his mother staring at his temples. She frowned.

“What are... those marks you've got here” she came closer and gently touched it. Blurry stepped back, getting out of her touch.

“You do not want to know what this is. Will you give me money for the apartment ?”

“It is very complicated. We don't have a lot of money, Tyler. We can't do that...” his dad said.

Blurry looked at him, squinting his eyes. “What is your problem, _dad_ ? You absolutely wanted me out of your way, because I was an insane mess, and now you accept me under your roof?” he sighed. “You both fucked up my life. You did. I don't want to see you anymore. Isn't that clear enough? This place is not my home anymore. I hate it here. You know what? I actually don't need your help. No. I'll start to work, and then I'll rent an apartment. I'm not going back to school, even if I'm only 19, I'll handle it. It is better for me, but also for you.” he looked at Tyler's dad again. “It's good news, isn't it?” He made an ironic smile and got up in his room.

_You really needed to be that mean?_

“They both are assholes. You don't need them around.”

Tyler internally laughed. _You know that they're my parents, right? You can't get rid of them._

\-------------------------------

A year later, Tyler finally had his own apartment, a job, and lived all alone. Blurry let him have control sometimes, just to see how he was doing. If he was ready for it. 

It was night, and Tyler was in control, writing in a notebook. He already filled 6 of them before. They were all in a drawer, hidden. The window in his living room was wide open, and the only light he had was a candle on the table. He closed his notebook and looked through the window. He stood up and felt the rain on his face. He looked at the trees, they were all shaking because of the wild wind. A storm was coming. Tyler immediately closed his window. He has always been scared of them. He sat back on his couch after putting the lights on. 

“I hate that...”

 _Deal with it. It's just for a few hour. Don't be such a pussy..._

“Yeah right...” he sighed. “I actually think that we need a roommate, Blurry.”

_Why would you think that? It is so much better when you're alone!_

“And what if I don't want to live alone anymore? Plus I won't be able to pay the rent alone. I don't have enough money.”

_I don't care about that! You made it work for the last months, find a second job, sell your body, I don't give a fuck. Everything but a roommate, Tyler._

“I can understand why you hated Gerard back in the hospital. And the others as well. You said they were 'freaks', that they were 'insane', fine. I liked them but I get it. If I have a roommate, he'll be completely normal, not insane.”

_Every human being on earth is insane. Everyone is a freak. No one's normal._

“Fuck you”

He suddenly appeared in front of him. “Can you repeat what you just said?” He looked pissed.

“I said: fuck you. I'll find a roommate, and it's not a question. It is not a pleasure for me neither, but still: I can't afford this apartment alone anymore!”

Blurry came closer and grabbed Tyler's throat. “If you really want a roommate, if you really plan on having someone else living here, I'll kill you.”

“I CAN'T AFFORD IT!”

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and Blurry disappeared. Tyler turned around and walked towards the door. He opened it. “Yeah?” He just let his head out, not really opening the door fully.

“Em, sorry but, are you okay? It's not the first time I hear you screaming and... I wondered if everything was fine...”

“Yeah. Yeah, everything is fine.” He made him a weak smile. “Thank you.” He wanted to close the door but the guy put his feet in the way. 

“Do you... do you need company?”

Tyler hesitated a long time. “It is the middle of the night, and you want to come in my apartment to give me company? You better go to sleep, actually.”

“I... I can't sleep at all when there's a storm outside... So it's no big deal.” he smiled at him, and somehow, Tyler let him in. They both sat on the couch, not saying much at first.

“Oh, by the way, my name is Dan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this fic is soon coming to an end, I guess there are one or two chapters left (idk maybe more??) and it'll be over :)


	20. CHAPTER TWENTY

_Could you fucking explain what he is doing here?!_

Blurry was once again screaming in his head, causing Tyler to flinch, but he tried not to show it since Dan was here.

“My name is Tyler”

Tyler was not in the mood to talk to anyone, especially to a man he didn’t know. They were having random small talks, nothing really interesting he just learned that Dan worked in the music industry as a producer. And most of the conversations they had were about that. Tyler stood up at one moment because Blurry was being too loud and he needed to somehow calm him, so he went to the bathroom.

“Stop screaming! This guy is not even a friend, I don’t know him, and I don’t even plan on seeing him again! Why won’t you stop it there!” Tyler whispered in an angry voice.

_He is bad, I can tell. He is useless to me. He has nothing to do here so he must go! He’s not your friend, just a fucking neighbor who’s scared of storms, so he runs next door to have some company! He is just a pathetic human! Just like you, and we don’t need two of those hanging out!_

“You don’t even know him! So shut up for a few more minutes he will soon be gone I don’t plan on spending the whole night talking to him”

_He needs to go now. Or I’ll scream even louder._

Tyler sighed and went back in the living room only to find Dan reading his notebook. 

“What in the hell are you doing?!” He ran up to him and took the notebook out of his hands quickly. “Never touch that ever again! Get out of my apartment, now!”

“Hey, calm down, the songs you write are actually awesome! I don’t know where you got such inspiration to write texts like those, but this is genius!”

“That’s none of your business. Now get out of here”

“Okay, okay!” He held his hands up to show he gave up on insisting. “But if you ever change your mind, and if you want to create great songs out of it, do not hesitate to knock at my door and let me know”

“I won’t. Now, out”

Dan got out of the apartment smiling at Tyler. Songs? Really? The words he put together to let the anxiety out of his mind were now songs? How? Tyler was really confused.

_Oh gosh please, do not tell me you are currently considering his offer. This is ridiculous, idiot._

“I am not.” He sighed. “Though, we still need a roommate and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

_Maybe but I will make his life the worst he could ever wish_

Blurry laughed but Tyler tried to ignore it and opened his computer to write the notice telling that he needed a roommate. 

\------------------------------------- 

The following day Tyler got many answers to the notice he published. He read many of the responses and chose the one that was pleasing him the most, not paying attention to the name or the age, but only what was written. Tyler answered to tell that he could come visit the apartment if he wanted to, but the only answer he got was that, no matter how the apartment looked, he just needed a place to desperately live, and that he was already moving in during the week. Tyler was happy and taken aback, he did not know that person and living with him was difficult, but he couldn’t say no because he really needed someone else to pay for the apartment with him. So, he agreed, and the guy said he would probably come during the day to bring some stuff. He also told he would come with two of his friends. 

And indeed, someone knocked at his door in the afternoon. Tyler opened the door and couldn’t help but to freeze at the sight of the guy who was about to move in with him.

“Holy shit. I really did expect every kind of roommate but you…” He looked surprised, sad and angry at the time.

“Hi Brendon…”

Blurry started to laugh, causing Tyler to close his eyes briefly. 

_Remember what I told him last time we spoke? I am sure he is still very mad at you!_

Brendon actually looked very handsome. Indeed, he visibly gained some weight, he looked healthy and well put together. His eyes were a lot shinier, his skin was brighter as well as his hair. It felt weird seeing him, but also good. He had so many questions and so many things he needed to explain. It’s been so long since they last saw each other. He was hoping that the others were doing fine and that every one still had contact with one another.

“Will you let me come in or what?” 

“Oh, sure…!” Tyler stepped aside to let Brendon in. His friends were not here yet. He also felt really uncomfortable, knowing the last discussion they had. No one ever knew what was going on in Tyler’s life because of Blurry, and what caused the sudden change of behavior he had to go through because of him. He did not know what to say or do, he just stood there staring at Brendon who was visibly waiting for Tyler to say anything.

“Tyler, my room, where is it?”

“Oh sorry, erm, there…” He walked towards the door of what will soon be Brendon’s room and let him put down a bunch of stuff on the floor. 

“Well I guess Gerard and Frank will come very soon…”

“G-“Tyler couldn’t believe it. “Gerard and Frank?”

“Yep. They are the friends that are helping me moving in. I hope you don’t mind it…”

His tone was ironical. Tyler had forgotten that everyone though of him as an asshole. Blurry acted so mean to them…

“No, I don’t mind it at all!” Tyler tried to avoid tears from forming in his eyes by biting his lower lip. His emotions were confusing him a lot. He felt a huge wave of joy and happiness to be reunited with his friends, but this wave was son submerged, by a bigger one, of regret and sadness.  
And soon the two boys were entering the room, eyes going wider as they saw Tyler. 

_Just kick them out already!_

“Am I having a hallucination or is it Tyler Joseph?” 

“No, you’re not, Gee.”

Tyler smiled weakly at them. Gerard had now long black hair falling on his shoulders, he also looked happier even though you could definitely tell he went through a lot by the dark circles that were now part of his under-eye. Frank was looking a lot better. His hair was now fully black and not in that weird mohawk he used to have. He was also holding Gerard’s hand really tightly and looked at him briefly before letting go of it to run towards Tyler in order to give him a huge hug. At first Tyler did not move, letting his arms against his own body, but he soon realized that Frank might be the only one who was not angry at him, even though what happened so he wrapped his arms around him and starting to cry on his shoulder.

“I am so happy to see you again, Tyty!” As he pulled out, he looked at him with a huge smile on his face and went back to hold Gerard’s hand.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Living with Brendon was way worse than Tyler thought it would be. The only positive thing about it all is that Brendon was nowhere to be seen during the day, so Tyler could freely argue with Blurry without being heard or seen. Only problem was at night, it seemed like Brendon went to bars and clubs every night, coming home each time tipsy and with a different girl. Tyler could barely sleep because of the noise that was coming through his door, but he couldn’t imagine ever confronting him about it since he was guilty of a bigger problem. Sometimes he even thought that Brendon might be doing all this on purpose just so Tyler would understand that he was still hurt. 

One night, Brendon stayed at home and Tyler wanted to talk to him about a few things, but most importantly apologize. He went in the living room and sat down in front of Brendon, on the seat facing the couch Brendon was sitting on. 

“Brendon…?” 

He briefly looked at him

“Listen to me please, it is important…”

Brendon put the book he was holding into his lap and looked at Tyler “What”

“I am genuinely sorry about the last conversation we had back in the hospital… I’d like you to know, that at that precise moment I had been weakened by the electrocution I just had and Blurryface took this opportunity to take over. I couldn’t control my body anymore, meaning I wasn’t myself for the last months I’ve been in the hospital. That’s also the reason why I was so mean with you all, because Blurry could say whatever he wanted without me interrupting or just hiding the thoughts he brought up to my mind. And Brendon, I truly apologize for what I said… But know he's gone and it won't happen again”

_Well I don’t, I still think it was very fun_

“I know... it sounds like a terrible excuse…-“

“It sure does, Tyler.” Brendon smiled. “But it’s okay. I get it. I believe you. And by the way I’d like to apologize as well…”

“No Brendon you did nothing wrong, there is no need to”

“I did, my behavior since I moved here has been the worst ever and to be honest with you, I haven’t been this way before. But I don’t know I thought I was mad at you and I wanted to make a hell out of your life with me but it is pointless. So I am sorry, Tyler.”

“It’s okay Brendon. It really is.”

_Stop it. NOW!_

Tyler ignored the voice of Blurry and continued: “I have so many questions, Brendon… how are the others?”

“By “the others” I am sure you mean Josh…” 

Tyler thought that Brendon would have at least smirked while saying that but instead he looked down to the floor, and it felt like something really bad had happened to him.

“Brendon, what happened?” Tyler’s voice was filled with concern.

“I actually don’t know. But last time I heard of him he was starting to be severely depressed again, as depressed as he was back with his foster family. He started to talk to us actually, and he was not doing good at all and he then stayed all day long into his room, until the day he tried to commit suicide again. It was so bad that they had to move him in a real hospital and since then I haven’t heard of him. He might be as healthy as ever, as well as dead… I’m sorry Tyler”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you are not dreaming, this really is a chapter lmao  
> It's been a year and still, I found back inspiration that was hiding somewhere, so prepare to see more updates by now
> 
> by the way this is soon coming to an end, I think we'll have 1 or 2 more chapters to go before the story reaches its end
> 
> But most imporantly THANK YOU for sticking around it means a lot to me :)


	21. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Tyler was completely frozen after what Brendon just told him. He somehow couldn’t imagine for a second that Josh was “as healthy as ever”. 

“Brendon…” Tyler tried as hard as he could not to cry. “In which hospital was he?”

“I… don’t know, but I think he might not be there anymore… I mean, it was a few months ago so he is probably back in the mental hospital by now”

“No…” Tyler’s voice was shaking. “No! We have to get him out of it!”

“Tyler you know as well as I do that it is impossible to get out of there! Even if it was possible, we have to admit it, we were there for a reason, and the few of us who accepted the medications are now out. If Josh wants to get out, he has to take the pills he is given. That’s the only way out”

“Is that really what you think?” Tyler narrowed his eyes, remembering how he got out, only pretending he was feeling better when actually he was at his worst. 

Brendon chuckled. “Yeah, of course, I mean look at us! We are healthy now, because we accepted that we needed to solve our problems, and that this institution was the one who had our cure!”

“Oh gosh Brendon, stop it! It was awful in there, you even admitted it. None of us wanted to take those meds. I never took-“He stopped, knowing very well the following question, but he already said to much.

“What do you mean you never took your medication…?” He looked at him right in his eyes. “How on earth did you managed to get out without taking them Tyler! Were you pretending? All this time?”

Tyler’s gaze moved to his lap. Brendon shouldn’t know that Blurryface was still around.

“Answer my fucking question.”

“I was not pretending, I-“

“Then what?”

Tyler could feel Blurry pushing through his chest, he wanted to take over. To hurt Brendon. Even though he was trying really hard to push him back inside, he felt stronger than before and managed to take over in a second.

Blurry stood up. “You, should mind your own business” he walked towards Brendon pointing a finger at him, his voice was way deeper that Tyler’s. “Why do you care anyway? You are not, my friend. You will never be my friend. I have none, and I want none! So, don’t ever ask nosy questions ever again” He grabbed a fistful of Brendon’s shirt. “Or I will not hesitate to smash your head against a wall”

“Don’t you… feel like this is a bit too much…?” Brendon dared to talk even though he was scared.

Blurry laughed and Brendon winced “Too much?” he let go of his shirt. “Well I don’t care if you die, I just wanted an excuse. But I don’t need any so if I were you, I wouldn’t mess with me again. I am stronger and smarter than Tyler. I don’t feel shit, so I don’t like you at all, just remember that” He grinned at him, letting Tyler back in control.

Brendon looked at Tyler his eyes wide and his whole body shaking from the fear. 

“Oh my god Brendon I am so, so sorry! Are you okay?” 

“What in the HELL WAS THAT TYLER?” He was looking at his with fear in his eyes.

“I will explain but first calm down, please, I am sorry… It’s Blurry-”

“No shit it is!” Brendon sat down. “I thought you got rid of him, Tyler! What have you done!”

He sighed. “I think I can’t get rid of him.”

“What ?!”

“Well I don’t know for sure but it definitely feels like it…” Tyler looked down. “Look, I can live with it ok? I am sorry for what he did to you, really. I am trying to control everything but it is easier said than done…” 

“Maybe you can live with it, but I’m not sure I can!” A long silence followed. “I think we have one thing left to try. But it might not work.”

“Oh no please no more electrocutions!”

“Trust. Me.”

“Are you sending me back to Peace River? Cause you have no right to do that, Brendon I swear- “

“No! No, I am not sending you back, jeez! Just trust me on this one.”

“Tell me what you want to do, then”

“We have to find Josh. He might be dead but we still have a chance to find him, ok? We will take our time, but I will help you while hoping that… Blurrything does not kill me”

_You wish_

“He hears me, right…?”

“He does.” 

“Shit.” They both smiled.

“No, but seriously though, how to you plan to find Josh?”

“Well that’s easy, we fly back to LA and look if he’s still in the hospital he has been sent to, and if he’s not, we’ll look if he’s still at Peace River”

“There is no way we’re going back there. Brendon, think for a second, what will they think? We could be coming just to try to free the rest of the people we know, and they would really not like that, and we’ll end up being locked up again.”

“You are overthinking, Tyler”

“No I am not!” Tyler sighed “I can’t afford to go to LA anyways. As much as I’d love to-“

“Fine, we’ll wait then” He smiled at him. “Let’s say that we are going in two months maximum?”

“O…kay. That’s fine I guess”

\-----------------------------------------

After his conversation with Brendon, Tyler couldn’t help but think about the day he might see Josh again. But he couldn’t imagine things going well, since the last time they’ve seen each other, Tyler was under Blurry’s control and he could only imagine that Josh would not forgive him as quick as Brendon did.   
He though of so many ways to have Josh back in his life, or simply just to show him he cared about him a lot so that he would forgive him but none of them seemed right. Until that one idea reached his mind. He sat up in his bed.

_Oh fuck, Tyler don’t tell me you are about to-_

He stood up, and without even thinking about it, got out of the apartment and knocked on Dan’s door, who was apparently still awake at 3am. 

“Dan, I need your help.”

He smirked and let him inside. “What is it I can do for you?” he turned around to look at him.

“The texts I wrote, the ones you called ‘songs’, I’d like to record them on a CD. Can you do that in less than two months?” Tyler looked at Dan with hope in his eyes. 

Dan laughed. “Wow, slow down there. I’d love to help you record these songs, I already told you about that. Although it seems like doing this all in less than two months would be a bit… challenging to say the least, it depends on how many songs you’d like to record as well.”

“Three. Maybe four? Let’s say five. Five songs in less than two months, can you do that?” A short silence followed. “Please?”

“Yes. Yes, I’ll do that. We’ll start tomorrow, okay? Now go to bed, for fuck’s sake it’s 3am!” he laughed.

Tyler went back into his bed, thinking about Josh’s reaction when he’ll hand him the CD on which he’ll be singing the texts he wrote about him. He also made sure to choose the most meaningful ones among all of them, and the ones that were obviously most likely to please Josh. He really hoped he would like it.

\----------------------------------------------

The following day, Tyler went to Dan’s place right after work to start recording the first song he picked, and it was much more work than he thought it would be. And he went over to Dan everyday after work during a whole month to record the songs, make them perfect, listen to them, re-doing the whole process when he was not satisfied. And after a bit less than two months, the songs were perfect, just like Tyler wanted them to be, in harmony with the music but so than you still focus on the meaning of the lyrics and not only the background. He was satisfied. He also had been so concentrated on doing this and thinking about Josh, that Blurry only appeared in the times when he was alone doing nothing and when he had nothing on his mind, so pretty rarely. Dan also told him that he doesn’t need to pay anything for this CD since he noticed that he was really into it and of course because he understood what this was all for. Tyler also worked harder and sometimes even during his day off so that he could earn more money at the end of the month, and he knew that as soon as the CD would be fully recorded, he’ll immediately fly to LA.

The evening of the day he finished recording and he had the CD, he went in the living room where Brandon was sitting.

“Bren, we can go to LA tomorrow.” He smiled at him.

\--------------------------------------------

As they arrived in LA, they called a taxi that drove them to the hospital Josh went to, even though the chances he might still be in there were really slim, it was worth trying. They asked a woman at the entrance if he was still there and she told them that he got out a few months ago after his parents picked him up. They got out of the building and started walking.

“Brendon, I think I know where he might be…”

Brendon looked at him curiously. “Where?”

“Back when we were still in Peace River, Josh came to my room crying after a visit of his foster parents, telling me that they wanted him back home, and they wanted him to go in the army or something along those lines. So he might now be there, do you think it is worth going to a military thing and ask?”

“I don’t know if they are allowed to tell us about those things, you know…” he sighed. “I don’t think we can find him there or even make him leave the army, Tyler… we might as well never find him.”

They continued to walk, and Tyler was progressively losing any hope to see Josh ever again. He sat down on a bench, putting his face in his hands. “You’re right, we’ll never find- “

“Brendon?” Suddenly someone that was passing in front of the bench stopped. Tyler looked up, and he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. A smile immediately rose up on his face and he stood up. There stood this handsome man, of course, it was him. 

“Josh!” Tyler couldn’t help but smile and tears started to fill his eyes with happiness.

“Oh… hi, Tyler…” He looked away in Brendon’s direction.

“Dude, we were actually looking for you! How have you been?” Brendon had a wide smile on his face.

“I…” He sighed. “Fine I guess”

While Brendon kept asking Josh questions, Tyler’s smile faded away and his ears started buzzing and he felt dizzy.

_See? THIS is rejection. THIS is what you get when you are too attached to people! Do you understand now, why I’ve never wanted you to have friends?! I’ll let you enjoy this magnificent moment_

Blurry started to laugh really loud. Tyler felt like giving up. But he couldn’t. He’s been a coward his whole life and he needed to prove Blurry wrong, he wanted him to see that he could have Josh back.

“Brendon could you leave us for a second please?” Those words got out of Tyler’s mouth without even thinking about it.

“Sure thing” he winked at Tyler and went a few meters away. 

Josh sighed and looked at Tyler. “What is it, Tyler…”

He could see a lot of pain, anger and sadness through Josh’s eyes and that made him feel even worst about himself. Knowing that he had hurt him that hard was difficult for him to live with.

“Josh you can’t even start to imagine how many times I’ve dreamt of this very moment… I wanted to tell you that I am so deeply sorry for what happened… I know I must be the last person you want to talk to right now but I want you to know how I feel…” he handed him the CD.

Josh took it, looking weirdly at Tyler. “Listen. I…” he sighed. “You need to understand that you’ve hurt me in a way that no one ever hurt me before, and seeing you right now is also no easy. But you need to understand that we are now different persons, we both lived our lives apart from one another and I am trying to forget about you, about us. I loved you Tyler I really did, seeing you now, I just fear to be trapped once again by the feelings I had for you. I hope you understand that I would really appreciate it if we were to never see each other ever again.” 

Tyler’s felt as f someone just ripped his heart out of his chest and played with it. Tortured it. Stabbed it. Destroyed it.

“I just want you to listen to that, first.” His voice was cracking, he pointed at the CD in Josh’s hand. “Please. And then I swear that- “Tyler tried not to sob. “I swear you won’t hear from me again or see me again. But just do me this one favor…”

Josh looked at the CD and then in front of him. “I don’t know, I’ll try…” He looked briefly at Tyler and then at his feet. “Bye, Tyler.”

“And I loved you too, Josh…” Tyler managed to say while Josh was walking away, not even sure if h heard it.

As soon as he was out of sight, Tyler sat on the bench, crying silently in his hands. Blurry repeating the word “rejection” in his head. Brendon came up to him and they walked to their hotel while Tyler tried to sum up what just happened.

\---------------------------------------------------

Tyler had waited all night long next to his phone for Josh to call him, hoping he heard the CD and that he saw his number inside.  
In the morning, Brendon came in Tyler’s room. 

“Hey, Ty…”

Tyler smiled weakly at him as an answer.

“There erm… There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you, just so you kind of understand Josh’s state of mind… But it will not be easy for you to hear I think.”

“Okay, tell me”

“Remember when I told you that Josh started to be depressed again?” 

Tyler nodded.

“Well it might have been the addition of being heartbroken, and you leaving that destroyed Josh…”

“By ‘it might have been’ you, of course, mean ‘it was’…” Tyler looked in his lap. “He does no deserve it… I am a horrible person Brendon!”

“Tyler stop it…” He looked at him with sad eyes. “We both know it wasn’t you. It is not your fault but Josh simply doesn’t know that, you should have told him about what happened…”

“It all feels like an excuse, Bren. Like me being a dick was all because of Blurry! And even if it really was so, he wouldn’t have believed it I think…”

“Of all people, Josh would surely have understood. He just needs an explanation.”

When Tyler was about to argue with what Brendon just said, his phone rang. “Hold on a second. Hello?”

_Hey erm… it’s Josh…_

“J-Josh?” 

_I think we need to talk before… you know, not seeing each other again…_

“Oh, yes of course…” Tyler couldn’t hide his disappointment when hearing that he did not changed his mind about not seeing him again. 

After giving him the location and telling him that should meet now, he hanged up. Tyler explained everything to Brendon and immediately dressed up to go outside, to meet Josh.  
As he arrived, Josh was already there.

“Josh, I think I owe you a real apology. As well as an explanation.” He told him the whole Blurry face situation, explained his behavior and what happened after he got out of the mental hospital. And during Tyler’s speech, Josh’s expression softened. 

“Brendon also told me ho heartbroken you were after I got out and I really wanted to apologize for everything you’ve been through because of me…”

“Hey, it was not all your fault. Besides what came after was worst and not because of you. Stop worrying I…” he smiled weakly at him “I forgive you”

Tyler smiled. “I am glad we got to talk one last time and that we’re cool now”

“Who told you it was the last time?” 

Josh grabbed Tyler’s wrist and pulled him close to him and kissed him. They both smiled in the kiss and hold onto each other as if they never wanted it to end. After a moment, Tyler pulled away and looked at Josh in the eyes.

“I love you, Josh”

He smiled widely “Oh I love you too, Tyler” 

And they started kissing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This book has now come to an end and I enjoyed writing every single chapter of it. I hope you enjoyed reading it, and I also wanted to thank every single one of you for reading it. It really means the world to me <3
> 
>  
> 
> btw this might be the cheesiest chapter I've ever written but we were awaiting that


End file.
